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the sky (haiku)







the sky

in balance on my stretched toes -

a headstand














Author notes

Prompt ~ We could be upside down but never fall

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 26 of 26
  • Bruce silver member
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is marvelous . . . and very original. In the spirit of Myron, who says that a haiku is never finished, would it be even stronger without the "a" in the final line? Just a thought - this clearly rates the gold!


  • crimsondew
    June 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    just beautiful...Love the entire image..congrats on the gold!


  • Dark Otter
    April 3, 2008

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    I laughed

    You got me. It took almost 15 seconds to register in my brain. This is a form that I'm beginning to study. It looks like you have already mastered it. What a picture to create


  • ukelova
    March 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    AHA!

    Hello there!

    This is a haiku with a lovely haiku moment of surprise and revelation in the final line. It makes me see how the sky was balanced on your toes! Great concept and a very good observation. Were you doing yoga at the time?

    Congratulations on your well deserved Gold Trophy!

    Have a gr8 day,
    BJ.



    • maa gold member
      March 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      smart cookie

      you're a smart cookie, aren't you ?
      you are perfectly right about the yoga ...
      thank you for having had the courage and patience to browse through the jungle of my poetry to find some haiku ... which gives me the motivation to put them into a list ... will prioritize that task ...


      marion


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    March 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations on the golden chalice!!!

    Really enjoyable reading - this beautiful piece is! I'm so happy to see this poem took first place as it is most deserving!! Very unique!!! I look forward to reading more of your work. Take care Peace, Cyn


  • myrataal silver member
    March 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations on a well deserved Gold!

    What a vivid picture you've sketched! Well done Marion!
    Love
    Myra


  • Namita
    March 1, 2008

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    wow, this haiku is DIVINE!! such a nexcellent image you've painted here- you're truly an amazing painter... a lovely piece.

    - namita


  • Harrisham Minhas
    February 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hey Marion...this is a delightful Haiku/Senryu.
    It presents a vivid imagery.
    Congrats on the Gold!




  • Wandika gold member
    February 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very clever

    Hope you aare well Marion.

    Jim


  • Elora Danon gold member
    February 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful piece Marion - and isn't it nice when we're able to balance something in this crazy life?

    A beautiful take on the prompt and well deserving of all the recognition.

    e~


  • myron silver member
    February 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    the sky

    in balance on my stretched toes -

    a headstand

    what a wonderful haiku! I love it1!

    it's a great concept and it gives clear images in the way that good haiku do.

    very nicely done.

    best of luckjin the contest,
    myron.


  • Mari Goes gold member
    February 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    How well you have done this one!
    I couldn't help but seeing the moon on your toes...

    in the sky
    balanced on my toes
    the moon

    Lovely imagery your haiku has given!

    haiku on marion

    • maa gold member
      February 27, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      you are certainly clairvoyant ...
      yesterday, I made a little drawing with the ocean, a dolphin and the moon sending her healing light spiraling down ... maybe you were hiding in my aura when I did this ?


      • Mari Goes gold member
        February 27, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        I have this fascination towards the moon
        Would love to see your drawings


        • maa gold member
          February 27, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          it's in my garbage-can, torn up in pieces


  • MargaretG
    February 27, 2008

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    You point us toward the sky and let our imaginations fly freely. Lovely one, congratulations!


  • Freelance writer
    February 27, 2008
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    A great imagery. Perfectly awarded Gold. Congratulations.

  • mina nagi
    February 26, 2008

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    Maa, This is brilliant, beautiful imagery and awesome revelation in the last line... congratulation on winning Gold...

    mina


  • Desire gold member
    February 26, 2008

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    Precious!!

    Now this is one Beautiful piece You have penned by a Beautiful Gem!!
    Wow~~

    Just Love this Marion
    Brilliant take on the prompt~~
    Oy!!
    Loved this Haiku

    Congratulations on Your Trophy win!
    -Throws confetti-
    Woooooooooo Hoooooooooooo


    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • grannyeri gold member
    February 26, 2008

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    What alovely poem you have penned in this haiku - such a contrast, that aha moment is wonderful here. Congratulations on the gold trophy, well deserved.


  • Star Shine
    February 26, 2008

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    This is such a cool concept, I love the lightness of the feeling within this piece, so much conveyed in so few well-chosen words. A very positive moment to start my day!


  • Yemassee gold member
    February 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It's an interesting prompt. Sort of Atlas in reverse, though balancing the sky would probably prove lighter in weight than the earth...ignore me.

    I'm long beyond my headstand days, though if someone were to grab my legs and hoist me up and lend me a mirror to look up with...I'm sure before I passed out, I'd see the sky between the divisions of my toes.

    Beyond my silliness, I like the feeling, that all is in balance (i.e. right with the world, etc) or under control...and here's a thought...even in this topsy turvy world, we can keep our balance...see, haiku can be fun to interpret like any poem.

    BTW, Congrats on the gold!




  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    February 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Phenomenal. What a magnificent dream-like image. Balancing the sky upon one's toes. How perfectly enchanting.


  • Lavender Butterfly silver member
    February 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow ~ amazingly clever and enchanting... x

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