I am change
a whisper ...
on rolling seas from beneath
thick wooden planks, through salt spray
and pitchblende;
scraping metal on skin and wood
sardined in coffin beds;
...for freedom.
A prayer from an empty hand
subsaharan refuge; for peace.
In the midst of political upheaval
a land in chaos; please notice me; change.
I am an old black man in
the deep south who will vote
for a President who reminds of his son; and change.
I am a whisper grown to a roar
a ripple into a mighty stream
a flow into a sea of bright faces
looking for leadership and a place
to stand for real freedom
in a land where the rich are free;
I am change, come in
an hour that is never late
by a hand never unforgiving;
by dear hard earned lessons
that love and compassion
must know no bounds.
I am Yes, we can change.
Author notes
User name: PK
A contest entry
- Poets Survivor Three - Preliminary Round #2 - Invite Only by Ryno.
625 points, ended March 2, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You deserved much better!!!!! by Great Cthulhu.
1450 points, ended March 16, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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"I am change, come in
an hour that is never late" The hope that shines from these lines; this is a very refreshing write. This is much better than a mudslinging campaign! Thank you for entering!
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Yes
My mouth is dropping to the floor. How is it, that in a preliminary round, one can get so many entries where they can't even find on little piece to critique.
Beautiful, uplifting and MOVING metaphor.
I am truly the luckiest poet on earth.
Thanks for the entry.
Ryan -
yes
Are you an Obama fan or what, man??? Better than a campaign speech!
This was an amazing poem. The images were so absolutely rich and powerful. From the boat ride, to the sub-saharan refuge, to the voting man, I just thought the progression of this piece was incredible. You also illustrated progression with the whisper/roar, ripple/stream. Awesome stuff.
My only criticism of the piece is that it didn't seem to fit the assignment of the round. You were to write of a metaphor for YOURSELF. This to me seems to be a wonderful personification of change, but doesn't tell me anything about you, except maybe your political inclination,
In the future rounds, it will be imperative that everyone follow the directions of the round, so just a heads up.
The poem was excellent. The commentary was honest, and the message, inspiring. Well done.
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Thats true too ten, It was more like personification in some places, a metaphor in other places. We have recieved some iffy poems following directions, but no worries.
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well that was the nicest "no" i have ever gotten! thank you for your comments so much appreciated, means so much more than the trophies or the contests...PK
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That wasnt a no, lol. It was an "Im so spacey I forgot to write the answer, yes or no."
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yes, beautiful
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This poem was lovely, but it reminded me more of a Pete Seeger song than a metaphor for who you are. I admire your talent as a poet, and I always enjoying reading your work, but I was hoping for something more personal. Peace, Liz
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thank you Liz-
for taking time to give a thoughtful and very helpful comment... PK
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Yes
L6 "scaping" should that be "scraping"?
Ideas and descriptions were fine in this, but the repetitions of "whisper" and "change" became a little monotonous as the write progressed. There became not only those two descriptions, but "I am a..." - Line 13 and then again on the end line "I am Yes". I just felt like you'd tried to include too much in this...where I would personally have preferred you to have developed the metaphor.
Good luck!
La x
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thank you Laura-
for an edit, and a detailed and helpful comment, some good things to consider...PK
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Excellently done, brother. Read yesterday or earlier this morning (can't remember). And read it again, playing catch up. (Talk about work haveing my head spinning.) Now I gotta drink to get Jim Crow and minstrels from my mind. LOL Gotta stop joking like this or AP will send me to AA. I AM NOT A LUSH! One.
Dez
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very good work!
Good luck in this contest
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Amazing. Remember to put your username in your author's notes.
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Loved the way you actually used the phrases, very original and thoughtful.Loved these lines:
I am a whisper grown to a roar
a ripple into a mighty stream
Very well thought out, good luck in the contest 
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Excellent weaving of history and politics into a poem filled with great hope. Wonderful "I am change, come in an hour that is never late"
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