Marble Mind
By: Star of Atlantis
fragile is the marble mind
that leaves the fragile world behind
silk is water that sleeps inside
trimmed in stardust you're hard to find
thought is deep in folds between
where the heart and soul can dream
lost to this world i can't be seen
for a tomb glows with a softer sheen
fragile is the marble mind(fading)
that leaves the fragile world behind....
(whispered)...fragile is the marble mind
that leaves the fragile world behind....
A contest entry
- Write as your muse inspires~! by Demington.
550 points, ended March 17, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please be very detailed in your coments and give me plenty to learn about how you view my piece. thank you.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I really liked this piece
you found some wonderful inspiration from that line (it must secretly be so proud 
) I really like the rhyme-chant tone of this poem - beautifully done, good luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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giggles i guess your right that line must be proud think where its gone... i guess i am glad i wrote it who knew ? any way thank you for the comment i am glad you stopped in here after the contest to check it out that was very sweet of you and i am glad you liked the read...
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a simply wonderful piece this is, indeed ^^
i like the words you used here =]
i think the first two stanzas
are my favorite ones here
good luck in the contest!
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i am glad to see that you liked the poem thank you for stopping in to make a comment on it, it is very much apperciated
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Interesting. A very unique, at least chant, if not song-worthy poem. I am intrigued by the repetition at the end. A part of me doesn't like it, but then again the (fading) and the (whispered) were placed just right.
Yes, yes. Ambiguous, abstract, vague, alluring, frustratingly so...but very nice. Indeed.
Blessings,
C
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i am glad you liked this one ... its inspired a bit by the contest i just ran and the poem the line came from, but with a different twist intirely from the old poem... so different. this poem has been brewing around in my mind for some time. i like that every time i read it it changes. i hope you find it that way too thank you for your coment
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