I.
She slides on silky softness;
whispering words she hopes
will win you.
Wondering what beauty she has
to gift you
that will be worthy of your wanting.
Many men have tried to tame
this unicorn...
But she has chosen to love you.
She is anticipating your affection,
your touch...
Are you thinking of her too?
Does your desire for her daze you?
II.
Unbelievable adoration
as she hears you say,
"It's like I have a hot model for a girlfriend!"
Undisputed when your friends tell her
she's the most smoking hot
you've ever been with
and your love...
the most love she's ever felt.
III.
Pristine pixels appear
offering salacious innocence.
An adoring Asian exhibitionist
with ear-to-ear amusement,
pornographic Angels in pink panties
smiling platinum approval,
while bosom blossoms spy on you.
A stripped stranger in the clearing,
in your seeming accidental seclusion
her hands pull you down to screw her.
A sweaty sock spasm
an important daily consolation
from the battering burden.
There is comfort in the ritual release
and simulated significance;
a way to get through the day...
IV.
Appraising her evanescent esteem
she smiles smoothly and slides
down between your thighs
and falls flat-faced.
This becomes a mundane formality
of her fractured friendship.
Rejecting her invitations
time and time again...
she deliberates her defectiveness,
and resigns her dreams.
Silly to suppose she could arouse
with her dull, discarded design.
You've illuminated your hunger
You want women,
(not woman)
It goes unsaid...
your wife cannot be variety.
You reassure her that this is man's machinery.
Trusting in acceptance
she resigns her hope
that you would want her more than anything
and not for convenience.
Silent sightless rivulets
flow down her cheeks
as she contemplates being special to you.
Why do you prefer pixelated pretenses?
V.
She is on a slow motion march
to insanity
so you promise attention
and she trusts she is a priority.
Confidence's blossoming beauty
becomes the garden she struggles to grow.
She constrains her crushing concern;
envelops you in an emotional embrace.
She bequeaths her body
and shares her soul.
Her hands caressing her hopes
across your arms and down your chest.
Your mind so far away...
enclosed in frivolous fantasy
of your friend's wife neglected,
eager and found wanting
suggesting shower time play.
She holds you hoping,
She holds you waiting,
She holds you anxious.
And asks again,
"What were you thinking of?"
She holds her breath...
You tell her of his wife
and how hot in time of need.
You tell her of imagined
shower scenes
of how special it makes you feel.
She blinks.
The words choking off her veins;
her belly throws a two-year old temper tantrum.
Don't forget to breathe.
It isn't as bad as her birthday
when you pretended she was Japanese
or when she was your friend's daughter...
VI.
Bending over in springtime tank top
handling her household chores
she hears,
"I love that camera angle!"
Descending into alignment with
carefully crafted photographs,
she tastes despair like bleach.
"Wanna do it?"
VII.
Courage asphyxiated by doomed hope
she hopes for doom.
For acidic annihilation
bests anguished heartache.
Beautiful brightness in her bosom,
and stunning sexiness in her smile.
She barely sees herself
beyond bare-breasted pale porn stars.
And you barely break through breasts
to see her heart breaking
while in fear, she never turns you down.
Aware that in her "camera angle"
you will want her,
she bends over the counter...
"Sure"
Author notes
'Emotion~Overrated~Underappreciated~Overwhelming'
Pictures (A Seven Chapter Story of Struggle)
This is written from personal experiences.
It was difficult to be with someone who preferred looking at pictures of naked women or fantasizing about being with other women to being with me. It seemed as if he was never present. It was like I was just another picture. The other parts of our relationship were normal, even great, but this one thing overshadowed everything else.
It is something that sometimes still eats away at me so I decided to get it all out by writing it down. I think there is still a lot of anguish within me because this is such a long recounting of my story. Even now, it still makes me cry to think about it. Before dating this person, I never saw much wrong with porn.
Now I find it difficult thinking about men. Most of the time, I find myself believing that men are just out to exploit women because I was naive and trusted this person when he said this is how men work. Consciously I know that this is not true, but I find myself knowing one thing and thinking another. It is uncomfortable for me to watch guys interacting with girls and women because I think to myself, "That guy is probably undressing her in his mind or imagining having sex with her."
That is especially true of watching couples together. I look at them holding hands or whatever and think that he is probably holding her hand imagining someone else's body naked. To this day, I find it difficult to trust that I won't get hurt in this way again. The experience has forever changed me.
A contest entry
- Oh Dear Damned Valentine[[No Longer a V-Day Contest]] by as.phy.xi.ate..
450 points, ended March 10, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me burst out in tears with your words by KaseyL.
600 points, ended May 9, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Holy cow.. I can see why this won gold!! It is so well planned, so thought out. I loved reading the whole thing. It really got to me.
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This made me cry. My ex was the same way. Oh, he never told me he was fantasizing about other women.. in fact, he was adamant that he wasn't, which somehow made it even worse.
I also find it hard to trust. Even though I love who I am with now, I still wonder who he's thinking when he's with me. He's never given me any reason to, but its a crushing blow to the ego when ONE man pushes you aside for fake women and fantasies, and its one you never really get over. -
This is not how all men work...believe me. There is such a thing as a porn addiction. I believe they have AA meetings for that kind of thing. It's horrible, and it doesn't seem to be true..but it is. This is so sad. I wasn't going to read it until last because of how long it is, but I decided to.
This was..wow. I'm sorry this happened to you. What I thought was 'at least he's honest with you', but that's not good enough. There are some men who just can't get enough, and you wrote this wonderfully. To show it, to express it, to be remembered it must have taken a lot out of you.
I did almost cry. I could see everything you wrote. -
I loved this. Because it came from a personal account
I could feel all the emotion. Though the beginning
didn't grab me at all as I read on I was really
intrested and this is truly amazing!
peace to all ~flight
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Intense, poignant, sad...
Vivid imagery..what tangled webs we weave it seems.
Depending upon whose numbers one quotes, somewhere near one in every four women were abused during childhood. For one side of the issue...
On the other side, I sense the feminist revolution of the past half century has so much emasculated men, who were young boys at the time, without a father figure, without masculine influence at all, has made many men incapable of loving one person.
It is, I think, a mixed up crazy generation with a great deal of sadness and unfulfilled hopes and dreams.
Perhaps it is possible to break free of that, I hope so, for you.
Good luck, intense write.
Thank you...
Amicus... -
This write almost made me cry and then to read the notes and find it was not only based on fact, but personal experiences! It was a beautiful write, wonderful emotion, awful awful subject but WONDEROUS depiction!
The 5th Chapter... Brilliant, scratch that, the whole write, brilliant!
Good Luck in the Contest and thank you for entering!!
~Katie
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