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Pale droplets

Pale solidified droplets
twinkle down to my tongue
instantaneously melting
taste of midnight sky

Fields of these droplets
more like blankets

coat the darkened night
like reflectors

Shinning quietly

 

radiant beauty

 

Men of snow

brightly glow

tonight my friend

 

let us feast upon

mother natures

wonderland

 

 

Author notes

bones7

A contest entry

whats your opinion about it?

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Angelflower Greeters member
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    Haha.. this was really good.. I really liked the last part the best...lol. you know when it ended..lol.
    No I'm playing ... I really did like it.. The image was great.. I'm glad that I read it..
    Peace to you, Jetleena

  • j-ay rose
    March 31
    Edit | Reply
    thank you for entering my contest.

  • Adios Muchachos silver member
    March 10

    Edit | Reply

    Hey Brant

    How you doing old timer? I've been out of business for about a week now.
    Hey this is a great poem, Brant!
    You're speaking straight to/for the reader with your descriptive phrasing! Good for you!
    A lot of people write not doing that, and almost couldn't care less if someone was reading and understanding what they're saying.
    For that, I'm taking back "half" of what I said about you!LOL
    I bet, and I do live in Las Vegas, that you meant "trickle" and not "twinkle"!LOL How much do I win?LOL

    Be good kiddo!


  • Elavina
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    Oh this is a good one. . .I like your nature analogies they're always very good. You have a tendency to use lots of personification but that just makes the poem more personal to you. You have a great style good job!


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    February 27

    Edit | Reply

    WOW! You really added a touch

    of dark device and it made the poem pointed and
    strong! well done poet, very well done!
    just loved this poem!
    ears2hearyou
    Kathleen : ))))))))))))))))))))


  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    February 26
    Edit | Reply

    Great Imagery

    Great imagery--Well worded & versed and best of luck in the contest!


  • storiesuntold gold member
    February 25
    Edit | Reply

    BEAUTIFUL

    You have penned this one with such a beautiful thought


  • ConvenientExcuses
    February 25

    Edit | Reply
    "taste of midnight sky"

    I really loved that line. And I also really liked the ending. You really know how to hit hard in the beginning, and keep the readers attention all the way to the very end. You're really talented. Keep writing.


  • Piccola gold member
    February 25

    Edit | Reply
    "Men of snow
    brightly glow

    tonight my friend
    let us feast upon
    mother natures
    wonderland

    For some reason this sounds sensual to me and almost a
    romantic invitation
    heart_2

    At any rate I think it's beautiful.


  • Ryno
    February 25
    Edit | Reply
    Alas, I love it even more now

  • Ryno
    February 25

    Edit | Reply
    I suggest just one thing, "rejoice" I didn't really like that... it almost seemed to take the beautiful flow of the piece and it made the strength of the final stanza lack. Maybe another word that seems to "capture" the "essence" more without seemy cheesy/out of context.

    I was going to mention the center-alignment until I realized how much it worked with the content and flow... cool

    I loved this piece and the simple, grasping and stunning imagery. I loved the line "taste of nightsky" I can connect to it so well!! This snapshot all together is stunning as I know what your getting at...

    Wonderful! Good luck in future pennings... Ryan.

  • Yvette Champ
    February 25
    Edit | Reply

1 - 12 of 12