Pale droplets by bones7 at All poetry

Pale solidified droplets
twinkle down to my tongue
instantaneously melting
taste of midnight sky

Fields of these droplets
more like blankets

coat the darkened night
like reflectors

Shinning quietly

radiant beauty

Men of snow

brightly glow

tonight my friend

let us feast upon

mother natures

wonderland

Author notes

bones7

A contest entry

that don't impress me much by j-ay rose. 600 points, ended April 9, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Whatever Floats Your Boat! by e m i l y. 425 points, ended February 29, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

whats your opinion about it?

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
Angelflower
April 1, 2008

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Haha.. this was really good.. I really liked the last part the best...lol. you know when it ended..lol.
No I'm playing ... I really did like it.. The image was great.. I'm glad that I read it..
Peace to you, Jetleena
j-ay rose
March 31, 2008
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thank you for entering my contest.
adios muchachos
March 10, 2008

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Hey Brant
How you doing old timer? I've been out of business for about a week now.
Hey this is a great poem, Brant!
You're speaking straight to/for the reader with your descriptive phrasing! Good for you!
A lot of people write not doing that, and almost couldn't care less if someone was reading and understanding what they're saying.
For that, I'm taking back "half" of what I said about you!LOL
I bet, and I do live in Las Vegas, that you meant "trickle" and not "twinkle"!LOL How much do I win?LOL

Be good kiddo!
Flight of Dragons
March 3, 2008

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Oh this is a good one. . .I like your nature analogies they're always very good. You have a tendency to use lots of personification but that just makes the poem more personal to you. You have a great style good job!
ears2hearyou
February 27, 2008

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WOW! You really added a touch
of dark device and it made the poem pointed and
strong! well done poet, very well done!
just loved this poem!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))))))))))))))))))))
BuriedTreasures
February 26, 2008
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Great Imagery
Great imagery--Well worded & versed and best of luck in the contest!
storiesuntold
February 25, 2008
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BEAUTIFUL
You have penned this one with such a beautiful thought
ConvenientExcuses
February 25, 2008

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"taste of midnight sky"

I really loved that line. And I also really liked the ending. You really know how to hit hard in the beginning, and keep the readers attention all the way to the very end. You're really talented. Keep writing.
piccola
February 25, 2008

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"Men of snow
brightly glow

tonight my friend
let us feast upon
mother natures
wonderland

For some reason this sounds sensual to me and almost a
romantic invitation

At any rate I think it's beautiful.
Ryno
February 25, 2008
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Alas, I love it even more now
Ryno
February 25, 2008

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I suggest just one thing, "rejoice" I didn't really like that... it almost seemed to take the beautiful flow of the piece and it made the strength of the final stanza lack. Maybe another word that seems to "capture" the "essence" more without seemy cheesy/out of context.

I was going to mention the center-alignment until I realized how much it worked with the content and flow... cool

I loved this piece and the simple, grasping and stunning imagery. I loved the line "taste of nightsky" I can connect to it so well!! This snapshot all together is stunning as I know what your getting at...

Wonderful! Good luck in future pennings... Ryan.
Yvette Champ
February 25, 2008
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