When you left, silence came,
echoing noises never uttered.
The memories faded into sepia pictures.
Tablecloths and tree skirts thrown out,
nothing to touch anymore.
I held close to the last towel you touched,
rough and abrasive, but smelling of your scent:
Tuna, nip, and green tea shampoo.
When your head left my armpit,
I dreamed wordlessly of a small baby
home from the ICU
Sleeping in dreamless peace
while an orange, silken paw and running motor
kept pace with the small lungs rising.
What did you think
Comments
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I feel like the use of "sepia" might be a bit much to expect people to know
The second stanza in general is very confusing; it draws on too many metaphores and adjectives for my taste. I'd suggest cutting "Sepia" and "and tree skirts" entirely
The third stanza gives me a little "What?" moment at the throught of tuna and nip in a shampoo... maybe reorder it so that it's "Green tea shampoo, tuna and nip" or something similar
In the fourth stanza the first image is disturbing. What was his/her/its head doing in your armpit, and why did it make you dream of a baby? I need more context here.
the fourth stanza is confusing to me. I think it means that there's a cat with its paw on the baby's chest while it purrs, but I'm probably wrong, right?
Hope this was all helpful
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