Your eyes look quiet now,
almost serene,
Unlike I have seen them before,
perhaps it was the madness !
(yours or mine Who cares)
that stopped me from appreciating just how soulful they were.
At least they stayed where they belong,
inside your head,
Unlike your brain which is lying here in front of me.
Try as I might I can still not see where you hide your logic?.
To say that you would rather die than go out with someone like me!
well at least I have helped you achieve your ambition,
which must,
I think,
be in with your logic.
Perhaps I missed it when I disembowelled you!
Don't go anywhere,
I will go and check..........................
Author notes
Life as a game
- Learning to lose
- "the art of playing games"
A contest entry
- Oh Dear Damned Valentine[[No Longer a V-Day Contest]] by as.phy.xi.ate..
450 points, ended March 10, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - morbid by LotusRyda.
330 points, ended May 21, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ace's "Life As a Game" contest. by AceOSpades.
1000 points, ended September 13, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
Wow... It's so beautiful, so deep.
-
Unexpected twist. Pretty straight-forward. Made me laugh a little.
Emotions - there was barely any. But it was a clever write. Thanks for the cmnt, great job.
-
hehe!
this was cute! i love the ending... a very deep write with a funny ending! amazing twist! i'm left speechless! so keep writing kays!
AWESOME!
-
Well written. Quite a comical twist at the end; well, to me it was comical.
-
weird.....
-
another dark and disturbed one.
oh how good these ones are.
to be at peace, at last! -
i love it
-
LOL ...
this is hilarious.
-
I like this, very chilling and yet funny.
-
this is good i liked the last lines
on't go anywhere,
I will go and check.........................."
i thought that part was funny
-
i like everything, EVERYTHING about this....
thanks for entering my contest -
quite an interesting write, thanks for entering
-
I must say this is one of the most chilling writes that I have ever read. I actually have no idea how I got here...but so be it, I did and therefore I read. It takes such a deep look at the inner psyche of someone super-intelligent [so extremely intelligent that the mind is driven to such mad behavior and it can take one's own behavior to the level of it being within the normal range]It uses simple logic such as the words "Try as I might, I still can not see where you hide your logic".
so this person uses own logic to explain away this deed with "looking for the other person's" I see I am going into more analysis than necessary right now, so let me just say that you did a great job with getting into the mind of a person having gone of the deep end for whatever reason [in this case it seems to be too much rejection]
reenie
-
'the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom' william blake
-
To say that you would rather die than go out with someone like me!
well at least i have helped you achieve your ambition, which must i think be in with your logic
sad and dark at the same time and i like how you dont use the words in the tiltein the actual peice but you sure made them tie into the title
i like this and good luck withthe rest of your poems and you rock
-
lol Awesome write! Brutal and wonderful way to dipict the retaliation of rejection!
My favorite line of the piece would have to be...
Try as I might i can still not see where you hide your logic?.
((^^^)) Thats great lol
Thanks for the entry!!! Good Luck!!
~Katie
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
