birds
tango
waves
crash
forever
breath
aroma
petals
crushed
hearts
blossomed
now
one
song
against
discord
footsteps
erased
wind
eddys
10:38 AM
02/25/08
Alexandria, VA
A contest entry
- PIF.... QUICKIE!! by luckynsincere.
450 points, ended February 25, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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This gives alot of room for interpretation while still keeping in step with the prompt... like those tenetive steps one takes when learning to dance... Congrats. on that Bronze trophy!!!
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Thanks. this was to catch interpertations by allowing multitudes of interpertaions. The dance is everything and it is nothing without partnership.
Love, Tom B.
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One of the many facets of the Poet that I enjoy is the beauty of the liberty to say what is truly felt without fear of an IM denigrating my flag or mentioning potatoe shortages in the 1800's as if I, or anyone, could be held culpable for those that lived generations ago, sigh, or some such other nonsense that is fingertipped from those that seek an opinion but that have a steady supply of bricks ready to brickbat anyone that doesn't say, awwwww awesome, have a heart, a rose, so I am not in love with you, but love your abilities within poetry and delivery, within the arch of a really golden welcome within, ok, enough digressing, I was not keen on the picture at all, it was totally uninspiring, did not add to the write and was not artistic for me personally a poem speaks without the need for a picture, a picture espouses poetry and poetry espouses pictures, though I appreciate this was a picture inspiration contest as a true poet, you perhaps should consider whether you wish your words to speak independently of pictorial imagery, regardless of picture inspiration, should not a poem stand alone?
I heard the timbre of your voice within the poem but, if I did not know where you would pause for breath I would read this differently, perhaps to accent nuance it could be paced, spaced, differently? I sincerely feel, and you know I love listening to you read, that this may benefit from different presentation , as ever, my thoughts are but a perspective, not a wound, honesty is the sincerest form of flattery dear poet.
Congratulations on the Bronze shiny for the shelf, your wife will be cartwheeeeling that there is no need to dust it and smile, for it also will never rust!
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I wanted for some reason with this piece to use the openess of a single word line, the way it carries on after into the possiblities of prepositions, modifiers, connectors, allow my readers to create with me this dance. It could always be written with a greater focus on other things, but this time I wanted to experiment with another form. The picture is there because the contest requested it. Otherwise I rarely use pictures. I like my poem to sing their own vision.
As always I enjoy your thoughts and musings. Be great and know you are loved,
Tom B.
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somehow I had missed the link to this one
. But maybe that was meant to be...it is very easrly Monday am now....and what a way to start a weekEvery word and all of them strung together as well....a feeling of infinity and a huge smile and hope.....all wrapped into this "new style' of yours.Thank you Tom and I LOVED it...
much love
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
reenie
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This is salacious, in bad taste and you will wonder how I could stoop so low.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4002865
Love, Tom B. -
I was led to this because I wanted to have the words read both coming and going. It is not a good oral style but for a reader it allows the thoughts to spiral in and out of the partnerships and see different prepositions creating different meanings, so thoughts and words form dance and hopfully further reflect the thoughts I was playing with. Thanks for stopping and sharing your pleasure.
Love, Tom B.
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Tom, another very interesting take on the photo. I love to tango, and you took this to another level, and nature and human nature exuded sensuality! So glad you sent me this link. I forgot to sign out, so I wasn't ignoring you. Bronze! Well deserved.
Love,
Shana
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This was using a minimalist form that I had avoided for sometime, because too often I felt what I read in it was weak and silly. But this poem demanded this treatment so I went with what felt right. Glad you enjoyed the experiment.
Love, Tom B.
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oh i can sooooo see and hear this happening. the lovely imagery u used
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Thanks, Holly. I was just trying to capture the sense of forever in the picture.\
Love, Tom B.
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I lke this, Tom! It's like word association, only poetically artistic. Picture inspired? One Song Wonderful!
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Yeah, it is picture inspired, but it took on a life of its own. I started with standard three word lines, then at "now one song" it became singular. In rewrite words fell out and it became one word a line. This one wrote me and is its own spell. I am but the hands that held the pen.
Love, Tom B.
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I love how you did this. the one words on each line... absolutely timeless. It feels as if you were speaking the words... and waiting a bit before saying the next. I can almost hear them... seductively spoken. Lovely imagery!!
Mel
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Mel, I would love to hear your response to my reading poetry at an open mic or show. Then, do a Tarot reading after and see what shimmers to the surface. This poem demanded the one word to a line. I never tried this before. Glad it touched you.
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Different and it worked quite well, almost seems to sing the melody it was intended too from the picture. Love, C
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I wanted to catch the feeling of the dance of spirits and the timelessness of love. Glad you enjoyed.
Love, Tom B.
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HUMMMMMM
Now this is different, simple structure of word over word and you have come up with such beauty...birds, waves, wind and flower petals...the dance of life and the breath of love...softly erased by the winds of time...sighs...Niaish MasterPoet Niaish
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I never tried this one word stuff before. But the more I sought the feeling and image I wanted for this picture and twenty words the more I was forced towards this till I gave in and tried to make it work. I am glad it does for you.
Love, Tom B.
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Awesome! Oh, simply divine. I love that you used one word for each line and made it still seem so very much connected! Great work. All the best.
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Thanks, got caught up in trying to make the words do as much duty as possible, started off with three word lines and switched to two then tried one. At one I had to change some of the words used. It was a lesson in writing I never experienced before. Glad it worked for you.
Love, Tom B.
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what a clashing of words you weave. with a breath of spring blossoms and a hand full of song.
's for your heart today!!
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These twenty forced me to try a style I have never used before. We will see how it survives.
Thanks for the faith your review shows.
Love, Tom B.
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