"Hush little baby
don't say a word.
Daddy's going to buy
you a mocking bird..."
Woken from silent screams
Innocent (manipulative)
eyes peer into hers.
Beckoning to her that
it's fine.
Assuring her that
everything is alright.
She is all but six.
"And if that
mocking bird don't sing;
daddy's going to buy
you a diamond ring."
A present in bright
red ribbon
is placed upon her bed.
She knows that means tonight,
more than a kiss shall be
forced upon her head.
A sweet thirteen year old-
taken to bed...
"And if that diamond
ring turns brass,
daddy's going to buy you
a looking glass."
She would've been
twenty one today.
She could've been
the star in her
high school play.
There were so many
things that she
should've have been able to do.
But all that remains
is her pretty face,
stained upon
a cold glass plate.
"Hush little baby
don't say a word.
Daddy's going to buy
you a mocking bird..."
Author notes
Is this ok Char??
I sort of wrote how it made me feel, Altho I've been a victim of mental abuse, (and sexual, but not as much as has been described in my poem...)
Yeah, so, I hope this alright.
A contest entry
- Once More I speak to unsilence the issue by x-Black-Butterfly-x.
6000 points, ended March 8, 2008, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
So... what did ya think??
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Wow, this is amazing, and you did a brilliant job on this. Great job, you are amazing.
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The interplay between the sweet and hypnotic nursey rhyme with the hints at profound unseemly abuse is quite effective in producing that creepy "ewww" feeling that I think the topic deserves.
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stunning
this was such a wonderful, vivid take on this old nursery rhyme. i, too, was abused by a relative and the feelings of abuse are described excellently here. i loved it! (even though it almost made me cry)
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So beautiful and haunting, you made me cry,
just pointing out though, on the line;
Waked from silent screams
"waked" doesn't seem to sit and sounds jurky when you read it.
but it could just be me.
love ya angel and i love your writing.
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beautiful and yet so sad
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man this is so sad;( I could totally feel the emotion
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wow--this is so sad and disturbing yet you managed to make it beautiful--love it
♥ meg
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Great job. This almost made me cry, it's so sad. But it tells an important story. Well done.
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thanks friggen awesome claire! i mean, creepy... perverted... but awesome! the way youve written this... youve nailed the subject. beautiful but devastating. youre an amazing writer.
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Thanks Beccy
My teacher thought it over used Clichés too much and that it was over-stated in some areas but I was like. Meh. I like it. And it works with the poem so blarg lols
Thanks for the comment
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Really nice write Yazmin
Very sad too
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great flow and subject. nice blending of innocence and sick perversion. beautiful, and sad. best of luck to you.
Abby -
.....I am stunned speechless and in tears. your words and the way you combined the nursery rhyme...just wow. it broke and wieghed down on my heart.
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