beautiful prisoner
held by ropes and shackles strong
you struggle, but not with all your might.
I, too, am bound
though not with chain and thong
but with the hearts strings drawn ever so tight
delightful hostage
in your fetters you are free
to taste forbidden fruits of joy
to take your place
among the treasured slaves of history
Andromeda, Chrysieus, Helen of Troy.
sensuous captive
helpless by your own choice
your writhing releases only your passion
i must seem so cruel
to bind even your voice
only with your eyes do you ask my compassion
gentle slave
soon you will be unbound
in that thought, dear one, take peace
but for my part
true slavery i have found
from my hearts strong chains i shall not be released
Author notes
Written November 26th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Erotica at it's best! by sad-but-true.
500 points, ended December 25, 2005, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bound and Broken by Haunted Doll.
370 points, ended December 19, 2006, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What BDSM Means to M/me by Tattboy.
800 points, ended February 16, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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A beautiful poem full of allusion.
I particularly liked the lines ...
"delightful hostage
in your fetters you are free
to taste forbidden fruits of joy"
Many people do not understand that a person can indeed be free whilst in chains.
Thanks you for entering My contest.
Tattboy -
"i must seem so cruel
to bind even your voice
only with your eyes do you ask my compassion" oh i adored those lines. well done!
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yes, i used to be tahutihotep
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Mmmmm. This was delightful. I love the comparisons to Helen of Troy, etc. Best of luck to you in the contest.
Elizabeth
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sweeeeeeeeeeeet
dude...I just got a fucking deja-vu. I remember reading this a loooooooooooooong time ago. Did you have a different user name? because I'm sure I would've remembered you...oh well. I remembered practically every line from the last time I read it, which really says something. keep writing...YOU KICK ASSSSSS!!!
MORSMORDRE!
- AleX - -
I thought this was really great...Very discriptive and lots of good images. I enjoyed it...Keep it up! Stacey
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And now my critique for judging (Pain is Pleasure Contest):
Word Choice: Your word choice is great here, it provides the reader with imaginative views on the same items; slave, bonds, and slavery. Excellent. I would have liked to see proper punctuation in this piece, Periods or full stops, Capitalizing the beginning of new sentences then, and definitely being consistent with the personal 'I'. In some instances it it capped and others it is not.
Rhyme: Excellent form on the rhyme, using a pattern that isn't all too common. ABCDBC stays consistent throughout and helps the reader flow through the poem just as rhyming is supposed to do. It is not forced and never strange. You did a great job.
Rhythm: There isn't a constant rhythm in this poem and there are natural pauses in this piece that cause the reader to stop and digest what is being read. I do feel that punctuation other than the sporadic commas would assist those that don't feel the beat of poetry. If no punctuation is desired, then all should be removed. But then, that would destroy what rhythm there is in this poem.
White Space: I believe I would enjoy seeing this centered in the page as well as the left alignment that you have chosen. The use of the whitespace to enhance the impact of a poem is sometimes overlooked, I admit to it myself but blank space after strong emotions, images and thoughts can provide the reader with impact that words themselves do not convey. For exampl, take line 4: 'I, too, am bound' This is a reveal that the reader would not expect and so the blank space after this line helps drive the questions and pull the reader through to the next line.
Form: I truely enjoy how you began each stanza with a new and creative way to call the slave, showing love and devotion and not just captivity. I like the breaks in the stanzas and the overall look of the poem.
Overall opinion: As part of the rules of this contest, you were to comment on one of the two judges poems and place the name of that poem in your author comments so that we knew you read all the rules. You have failed to do either. I checked your comments, going back to the beginning of this contest date and there are no comments by you to either my or Lonely Romance's poetry. This is something that will be taken into account during judging.
Thank you for entering and good luck.
--luna -
8/10
i feel the passion, this is like a thought...one of those hot feelings that in that thought you black out...an esp message almost the the slave...just a whisper of hope and trust...passion, but i like armbound better for s&m but this is still very good -
yes that was a good one hee hee
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very nicely written, passionate, erotic.
Victoria Lin -
you want passion? check out "armbound" one of my newer ones
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Damn~
Your tied and bound with my rope
Carefully constructed to restrain
You high as you drop down low
Only pleasure for you without pain
Best wishes to you in the contest~
Great write
Big hugs
and much love~Desire
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Tahutihotep~
Thank you for your Erotic entry
I will be back to make my comment
Right now I am just looking
And s~l~o~w~l~y absorbing all of it
Best wishes to you in the contest~
Big hugs and much love~Desire
Edited on Apr 10, 8:22 p.m. because ''. -
This was really good not really what I wanted for this contest it has a nice flow but no passion or heat to it but it is still good thanks for this lots of love Robin...aka SH
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i love it.
"sensuous captive" "delightful hostage"
great vocabulary there.
and i like how you combined a sort of love poem with sadomasochism...that's how it always should be. -
yes i agree with the above comments this reads really nicely and is about love . i love the reference to the tradition of slaves it makes the whole thing seem very noble in fact which is surprising in s+m to me so it opens new ways of looking at things which is commendable and original
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This is really good. I ahve to agree with Jhirrad that this si more a love poem than an S+M one, but the way you bring bondage in and use it as a metaphor for your own feelings is great. Like NaughtyGrlRed, i'm putting you on my favourites. XXXX
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oh ya im putting you on my list
naughty -
Guilty
OHHHH it's hot in here now. OMG I think I like this bondage stuff. More please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs and bites, Lady Raven -
Great poem, Tie me up and never let me go, if things are going to be this intense this is what i need to put a everlasting smile on my face.
Keep up the good work. -
That is really good. I mean it. Excellent poem. I don't know that it is as much erotica as a love poem, but regardless, it is really well done. I love the way that you set the stage as a sort of captive and then you use examples from Greek myth that fit the mold and at the same time you describe yourself as the same captive, only tied by something far stronger that binds you in a way that can't be overcome. This is really fantastic work.
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