Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

5) Once by the Pacific




I watched dwindling sands
holding on to footprints
as evening tide began

for ebbing waves invite freedom,
ventures near  water's edge.

And sets of prints of seeming twosome
crossed barriers, sunset's lowered  ledge

by looks of them,  two walked close this way
to a certain spot to stop and watch
a different miracle that happens every day;

and by the sight of sand and water
some words of meaning fell, like empty rays
upon retreating surf, and then there were

but one set of markings circling to north

while another

turned inland,

to the sparse grass in hilly folds
rising up to cliffside houses, and

the road to town; water trying to hold

the impressions left by dainty feet

gone uphill, trail gone cold;


while  bruising mallet marks repeat

on sand and away pacing tense,
have followed me ever since.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Peteskid

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • IrishYndina
    April 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There seem to be a few random places that have double spaces (the fifth line, for instance) - was that on purpose, or some kind of typo/tech error? This whole poem is one great image - I love the idea of water trying to hold footprints. Really brilliant. Semicolons...are a pet peeve of mine, so I'll admit that seeing them used in a way that's not grammatically correct gets under my skin. *laughs* But really that's my only complaint with this poem - the rest of it is fantastic. By the way, why is it 5)? Is this from a set of poems? Just curious.


    • Peteskid gold member
      April 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      "5)..." was my little joke, the strict gramarrian host- a wonderful friend of mine- asked for the exact title /prompt, so I did . The spacing was creative to suggest reading pace - pauses, the line breaks to work around the several unrhymed end lines in reading... not sure it helped at all. Semicolons, hmmm, need to think on that, knowing you...you're probably right, you usually are...glad u enjoyed, your comments give me something to use when I edit...thanks...PK


  • AlwaysbeBIG
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    Well, I think you would have done the man proud. This was very very well written, and I liked it a lot.

    "for ebbing waves invite freedom;
    ventures near water's edge.

    And sets of prints of seeming twosome
    crossed barriers, sunset's lowered ledge"
    Were very strong lines, and I loved the ending. Great poem, very deserving of gold. I will be reading more


    Brandon Spalletta

    • Peteskid gold member
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      many thanks for reading and for your thoughtful comments...PK


  • just mercedes gold member
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I walk by the Pacific in the mornings, often wondering about the fottprints of others - your poem took up my thoughts and completed them with a tranquil, mystic tone. A beautiful write, with echoes of the prompt.


    • Peteskid gold member
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Echidna

      for your kind and generous words... agree footprints on the sand, seem to speak to us...'skid


  • Ryno
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Honestly, there is nothing else I can say except this is a truly stunning write. It just comes out, grabs your throat, and pulls you in with all its might. Truly beautiful.

    well, well, well, well, well deserved Gold Congrads.


    • Peteskid gold member
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      many thanks for your kind words...so much appreciated, really enjoyed your entry...PK

  • ecrivain01
    March 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    This is almost haunting ...

    in it's simplicity, yet it tells a very complex story.


    • Peteskid gold member
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      had an odd experience when writing this, imagined the words being read to me... anyway, thanks so much for your wonderful comments...PK


  • sunny day
    March 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Filled with beautiful imagery and a most effortless flow. This piece was truly excellent. I floated through it as I read it many times over. An absolutely wonderful entry that you have given to us for this title. Thank you and best of luck in the contest. Can you please add your screen name to the author notes as it appears in AP. Joyce


    • Peteskid gold member
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Joyce-
      for hosting, judging and commenting, so very helpful and encouraging...PK


      • sunny day
        March 9, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        Thank you for such a wonderful entry. Congratulations on the gold. I was co-judge to Liz this time around. All the wonderful entries made it hard to judge and I mean that. I wish we could give more than one gold. LOL


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Since I live by the Pacific, I have always been captivated by the footprints that are washed away with the incoming tide. Not only did you take inspiration from the title, but your verse also offered beautiful hints of "The Road Not Taken". Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz


    • Peteskid gold member
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Liz-
      once in a while a prompt or challenge just brings something out, unexpected really... so very nice, thank you for the wonderful contest...'skid


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    February 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Not fair to do this to me. Oh my goodness. I LOVED THIS. Can simply say no more.... ~Pamela


    • Peteskid gold member
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Pamela-
      for your constant advice and encouragement, means so very much...PK


      • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
        March 9, 2008

        Edit | Reply

        PK

        So very pleased to see a gold trophy on this piece. Truly truly lovely. This must be your day for gold. Congratulations! ~Pamela

  • Rowan gold member
    February 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the feelings behind this, the wondering about footsteps, their eventual different directions. Ending was stunning.


    • Peteskid gold member
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Rowan-
      sometimes I wonder about things like footprints on a shore, imagination runs to all kinds of things...thank you for reading and your ever present encouragement ...my friend...PK


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    February 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow! the imagary in your poems always amazes me... how the sand held the footprints... Really a lovely piece of work.

    All the best in the contest!

    Becks


    • Peteskid gold member
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Becks

      for your kind words, it is always wonderful to hear from you, hope all is well...PK

1 - 22 of 22