can you hear the ending?
can you taste it on the wind?
can you read the fairy tale
that flows freely until pinned?
can you sing of jubilation?
can you whisper of fear?
can you tell of long lost love,
or of the bloodshed here?
i will hear the ending,
and taste it, ever near.
i will sing with adoration,
a song yet to appear.
A contest entry
- overnight contest. by layla..
525 points, ended February 25, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
do you like it?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
congrats on the trophy! I like the repetition.
-
I really like the feel of this... it's enchanting, and the last stanza is fantastically... desperately... I don't know the word, haha. But it's good.
Just a few points:
01) The repetition works well here. It usually doesn't, but what you've done with the repetition leading into a very separate stanza is reminiscent of Shakespeare's usual third stanza turnarounds in sonnets. (Okay, so my brain's dead. I fail at terminology, for serious.)
02) Blood shed --> bloodshed, unless you speak of a shed made/full of blood.
03) Metre could use some work.
Thanks for sharing (and congrats on the HM)!
hiraeth. -
-
1: thanks, i didnt know if it was too thick - guess not
2: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ok then...
3: i have forgoten what meter is. sorry.
thanx!!
luv, love -
-
Here's a useful link about poetic terminology:
http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0072405228/student_view0/poetic_glossary.html
Bookmark it. Even I refer to it religiously.
-
-
-
this is so sweet. yes, i do. thanks for entering.
-
this is so sweet. yes, i do. thanks for entering.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
