Ledges and shelves
On which sit dried fruits,
Tinned vegetables, chutney, dusty-boxed rice,
Suet.
As our wide eyes adjust to the gloom,
We see narrow shelves lining the walls.
A dim storage room (so seemingly humdrum and small)
Is where we realise we sit.
We are motionless.
Trapped, upon these ledges and shelves;
Schizophrenics, doctors, dusty-faced tramps,
Whores.
Under peeled, painted layers of time,
In the half-lit grime we stand near the edge,
Awaiting 'use by' dates (or picked by hand from our ledge)
And nervously eyeing the floor.
Author notes
This is my take on life, and the darker side of thoughts of depression and suicide. Not in the literal cliched sense I hope, but to give the feeling. The metaphors are pretty clear I think.
A contest entry
- Give Me Everything! by Uncle Haku.
1400 points, ended March 10, 2008, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life is an illusion. by Anna Emkah.
500 points, ended March 2, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This poem might be written about thoughts of depression and suicide; it also reminded me of old people awaiting death in an old age home. I like this poem. Good use of metaphors.
Anna.
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The beginning is a bit emotionless, but I think that adds to the overall effect. That last line is so haunting. Great write.
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This was amazing! It really is a good depiction of the darker side of life.
Good write. <3
Good luck in the contest! I wish you all the best.
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Yes, they are so clear, and so well expressed that I am thinking of not applauding, because you were so lacking in confidence that you felt you needed a note to tell us!
This is actually a damn fine poem - a pleasure to come across it today. Good luck in the contest.
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Thank you!
Not lacking in confidence, but charmingly self-effacing
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... said the person featuring a poem!
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lol, well quite.
Heads, parapets and images of war come to mind...
Don't shoot me down, I may fall off the ledge.
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{lending you a tin hat}
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Great!
I really liked this. I'm a psych student and I think that it's awesome the way people can relate disorders to other abstract ways of thought. Brillient poem and I wish you luck with all your future writes.
A Bientot
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I really like this take on the contest prompt I like the symmetry of this piece and the sense of continuity it brings to the content... the metaphors are wonderful and this is not cliched at all the last line was my favorite, I really liked the wealth of imagery contained in just that one line... wonderful, thankyou for your entry - although I'm sorry to say that this contest is being deleted from lack of entries...
Keep writing
Polly
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Rich dark imageries
Rich and dark imageries in each line, we were really
pulled into the poem and read on...feeling the imageries
with almost fear where you were going to take us!
An overwhelmed, underfunded system where mental health is placed upon
the shelves, oh the agony of this system!
well done poet, well done!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
Seattle.
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We sit upon those shelves and ledges! Waiting for flight or plight to call. Interesting take on mental health...I think sometimes we have all been there, just that no on elikes to admitt it! ~Sie Good luck in your contest...
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"Awaiting 'use by' dates (or picked by hand from our ledge)
And nervously eyeing the floor." great lat lines sum up the essence of your 'canned'/jarred tale good metaphor/simile/allusion to the mental health confusion VERY GOOD WRITE quite emblematic of our 'views'/selection process thanks for sharing regards zaj
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Wow
Sounds pretty sane to me! The fact that you recognise the storeroom (world) and the possibility that you may be left on the shelf or fall to the floor is probably a better picture of reality than many have, who think they are in control of their lives. I think I qualify as a dried fruit rather than a tinned vegetable - that has a later "use by" date!
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