The blackened sand, exfoliating, my tortured mind
As the rushing tide rises, then pulls back away,
In and out, as a pop up funnel cloud, in the sky
The ebb in my soul, washed away, out to sea to stay
A frothy window to my soul, has been washed with the sea salt
Our sinking life, squishy, between my red, painted toes,
Tossing and turning, thrown overboard, sucked into the ocean
Our names, written in the sand, how it comes, and how it goes
I wade in my own personal sea, of gritty, salty, roaring tears
A washed up conch shell, whispers your deep, luring, lusty voice,
Midnight, lying in the blackened, foamy, ridden sand, of my destiny
I shall go out with the tide, to find my drowned love,on a seahorse.
Author notes
I so dearly love the ocean. I shall live there one day.
WRITTEN 2-24-2008
***************POETDONTKNOWIT**************
A contest entry
- picture prompt --- use your imagination by pantress.
600 points, ended March 12, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Maddness by GypsyEyes.
450 points, ended May 14, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes, new poems, Anything by Never.Give.Up.
525 points, ended September 24, 2008, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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that first line is got to be one of the most original things i've read all day! amazing job! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox
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"The blackened sand, exfoliating, my tortured mind",
This was a great line, thank you for entering, and best of luck in my contest. jennifer -
Well done. Very descriptive. I haven't been to the sea or beaches much but I was there with you. Good luck. One.
Dez
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Yes, I like this, very rich language and you used the word 'squishy' which deserves praise in itself!
Well done.
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so now that we exfoliate souls[good fit with picture prompt by the way] do we botox them to? good rhyme scehemes great ending with last stanza thanks for sharing regards zaj
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Well done.an excellent chice of words that fit this picture perfectly.You should do well in this contest.You have my vote, Ros
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I like the use of metaphors - and the entire poem is written in a very descriptive manner that leaves us imagining. I do not have a favorite line. After reading this poem, I am left wondering what this poem refers to. Although, when you imply that the tears you've shed are what have created the sea, allows me to guess that it is heartbreak or something of that sort...am i right?
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Such amazing metaphors. There is no favorite line. The entire poem is rich in imagery. The sea is my soul. Maybe one day, we shall live there in peace. There is not one single word I would change in this wonderful creative verse!
Shana
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lovely
exfoliating your tortured mind sounds great
and your own personal sea is nifty too
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missing the shore, so apparent to sea
waves of passion, desires set free
breakers of wonder, crash on the shore
leaving you craving, black beaches galore
I'm hoping you live, close to the place
makes your heart pump, fires furious pace
rudolf
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