Her moist sorrow seeps down ebony lashes,
bleeding scarred ashes of swept mascara;
In her innocent lips a slight tremble
of lost faith lies, undetected...
Withered wings droop in unison, shedding
silken feathers of carbon mazes;
Nimbus creeps over fallen sun-discs,
her ambushed soul vents the grief.
Charred butterflies rain, mosses
crawl, on shunned tombstones.
Pain's agonized hornbills heal
in soft shower of teary dew drops.
Author notes
Option 1, background pic #1.
sunflowerpoet
A contest entry
- Daily Contest by creationsfromheart.
525 points, ended February 25, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES! ROUNDS CONTEST!!! by Luminescence.
525 points, ended March 23, 2008, 175 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Shancy was your judge for the contest… Because of the abundance of entries... we are having trouble getting two scores for each poem...I would just like to thank you anyway for entering and participating in our contest and good luck,
~luminescence
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I really love these awesome metaphors. I'm keeping my comments short due to the volume of entries. Here is your score: Title:10 Diction:10 Syntax:10 Wowness factor:10 Total: 40. This is good. Thank you for entering and participating. Good luck. Shancy.
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I thought you did good with the imagery. This had a nice flow to it too.
"Charred butterflies rain, mosses
crawl, on shunned tombstones."
I like those two lines. Putting all the objects together into one picture made a neat image.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
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Well Written
Well versed with great flow and imagery--
Good luck in the contest!
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An excellent portrayal of melancholy. I especially liked the lines:
Charred butterflies rain, mosses
crawl, on shunned tombstones.
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love this so full of imagery and actually you fit all the pics into this one poem a beautfil and well written write
Good luck
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Thanks so much for the kind comment and applause..
Hugz,
Sunflower.
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