Flirting back and forth
On a day that I remember clearly
I slowly walk home and yet can't
Get you out of my mind
That night I struggle to fall asleep
I just keep replaying the day
It was just that one hour
When you walked across the room
And sat with me on the floor
You were facing away from me
Writing in your notebook
I put my arm around you and you
Leaned back against me for that hour
I never saw your face that day
I just felt you sit down
Next to me and I knew who it was
As I turned the page in my book
Then moved my arm around you
You never saw the smile on my face
Later when we were watching a video
I heard people moving around as
I sat on the couch, just daydreaming
Not paying attention to anything
It was then that I felt you
Gently sit down in my lap
You were not watching the video either
It's strange for me to think
That we never spoke to each other
When any of this was happening
Or after any of it happened
We just sort of came to an
Silent understanding of each other
That understanding that I had
Which made sense to me
I found out finally from you
Was something that you didn't share
For in the end it took me too long
My realization came too late
Words we both wanted to say
Was something I should have said
It was not up to you to ask
For I knew how you felt
So it was my cause and my loss
For something so simple as a word
It's a day that I'll never forget
One of those things that I
Will always remember and will
Never let fade that which is
Reason enough for me to know
How much it is I will never know
Author notes
Maverik
A contest entry
- ~Dead is the New Alive~ OPTIONS CONTEST by Figg.
450 points, ended March 19, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - OPTIONS! 8 OF THEM!!! by liduen.
600 points, ended March 21, 2008, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Over Again by eronrox.
450 points, ended March 19, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LETS MAKE A DOUBLE GOLD WINNER FROM YOUR GOLD WINNING POEM by Swan song.
600 points, ended April 12, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love's Many Faces by Silly Rabbit..
600 points, ended May 22, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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oh. my. gosh.
i loved it.
and the best part is.
ive had the exact same expirience.
perfect description.
bad timing to remember that expirenience tho...
but still an amazing poem.
great job!!!
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A very touching piece. One can truly miss out on wonderful opportunities by keeping silent, and you've expressed this here.
Wonderful write, thanks for entering and good luck!
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This is very very lovely. Sometiems the words best spoekn are through actions!
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oh my gosh i think of all the poems to relate to in this contest this is like the most. i get it in like my life there has been something like just like this. wow. this is a really great write.
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Thank you very much! Having gone through it, I can't imagine what could have been if things were different. Thank you again.
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Good job! You need to add the option number in the authors notes though. Please do so :
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Thank you, and thank you for the heads up. I seemed to have missed that.
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great! thanks and good luck in the contest.
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This read a lot like a story, and had little flow to it. I liked the emotions and the scene you were portraying I just think it needs to read more like a poem and less like you're just telling me. It's missing a lot of descriptive language, you're just stating not showing.
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I realize that a poem should rhyme more times than not. However, since I am trying a new approach to what would otherwise be a dull alternating rhyme, I think that stepping outside conventional thought is necessary. So I appreciate your honesty and look forward to the chance to change your mind at a further date.
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You misunderstand me, I'm not saying it should rhyme at all; my own poetry doesn't even rhyme. I'm saying that it should flow, meaning be a smoother and easier read. It reads like a story, just telling me what's happening and has little description. I did not mean that your poetry should rhyme, poetry does not have to rhyme at all.
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I did understand your point. What I was trying was not intended to be usual or necessarily normal. So thank you, I appreciate your feedback.
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I'm confused as to what you mean, by understanding my point. You said that you were trying to step away from the norm of rhyming poetry, I said that poetry doesn't have to rhyme and that wasn't what I was trying to get across to you. I'm all for being original and creative. All I'm saying is that it's hard to read.
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descriptions, descriptions..how bout feelings?
nice ending. -
Wow. I am absolutely speechless in awe of this write; such emotions, imagery and pain just wash over me reading this
♥
Best of luck in the contest
Stay safe
~Manda
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I'm glad that you liked it and though you seem to understand that this is not a "poem" in the truest sense, not everyone quite gets that
Thank you for your support!
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