How about we take one more scoop
out of the world's punch bowl,
and ladle all the ingredients
into our own personal roles,
until they all overflow and turn
the whole floor orange.
Keep drinking
past the particles of spiked conformity
to the bottom of the glass with the
ice that's been frozen by the majority.
Let's look through the keyhole
and find the path to unlock the right,
and the things that can block out
the terror, all through the night.
The face of a baby wearing bombs
may look back at you, but keep going
and fight for everything you don't
ever really need to do.
We can play chicken with a tractor trailer
and Russian roulette with a robot,
until finally one of us ends up dead.
Next we'll nail strawberries to metal
and grenade bunkers of baby-cribs.
When we slip on the orange
we will fall in the red.
We can use murder as dips for our fatty foods
and put medicine on all of those self-inflicted
wounds.
A medicine of apologies, not warfare.
With expensive words, not expensive health care.
While the cops are reciting their required speech
to our freedom of mind and freedom to teach,
I'll be here saying my words to a broken mirror
and looking into the eyes of your empty interior.
Author notes
I'm concerned about the health of the world.
Something needs to change.
In a list
A contest entry
- Bush Usurping Power as Dictator--**NEED MORE ENTRIES** by DragonBlue.
1000 points, ended February 27, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites. those not on my favourites list please. by Ryno.
300 points, ended March 9, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - show me your sensitiveness... by poetic-enigma21.
800 points, ended November 5, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dear Mr. President... by voodoo ink.
875 points, ended October 23, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
:D Hello.
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Amazing
This is a great write Luke! Wow! I don't even know what to say. The last stanza really made the poem. You'rea great writer, so never stop! You're amazing! Good job!
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Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. You expressed your thoughts quite well. Thank you for sharing this one with us. -
This is amazing, Lukey! I love the metaphors, and the way you wrote this is just plain . . . beautiful. It's interesting that while you're expressing your opinion of unhealthy food and such, your words are so lovely, and it's like opposing forces the way I see it, and I like that. But then, I always like everything I read by you. I'm happy I read this. It made me happy to read something with real talent.
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Thankies
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wow thats really deep is that what you were feeling? i like it cause it's so true
message me back?
.Blue -
wow. i think that this means all the things that are created to help the people do the opposite and that things that seem meaningless take a toll subconsciously. am i warm?
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Damn..this is crazy deep. Deeper than most can get.
Completely true about your statement in your AN..I sometimes feel that we have strayed so far that it's not possible to go back. I suppose it's typical humanity though. The core instinct of man was always to get food..to survive. I suppose it still applies, in more complex levels.
Amazing poem, made my muse return hopefully
Keep writing!
Peace
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oh theres a word to describe how yu rite this but ahhh i cnt think of it,,i especially like the 3rd verse,
rather though-provoking 
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very interesting i loved the words used , hitting each time at a different angel theres more to this piece than just the cncern for health as far as i can make out
wonderful write
best of luck in the contest
cheers
shilpa
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I really like the way this poem is formatted and what is happening in it. The first stanza I'm sure I've done once or twice And the second stanza is written really well. It's intresting all the different thing that people do and you've touched on a few of them.
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A very true take on life, aha "We can use murder as dips for our fatty foods" thats terrible. I could totally see a massacre in McDonalds :
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I really love the last stanza, it is very strong. Sorry about the comment I deleted, I thought your bronze was a gold. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Intriguing write ...
and I suspect we share similar views about the present political situation in the USA.
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wow this was amaizing, im SO glad that you entered, this is a great poem filled with lots of emotion, i couldnt really get into the poem until after the first stanza, i didnt really seem to fit but other than that it was one of the best i have ever read.
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this was very iunteresting
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"We can play chicken with a tractor trailer
and Russian roulette with a robot,"
The tractor and the robot part seemed a little random to me, but besides that the piece is filled with great wisdom and reflects wonderfully on our society.
"I'll be here saying my words to a broken mirror
and looking into the eyes of your empty interior. "
Strong ending - a wonderful way of stating that "we're to blame."
Great penning and thatnks for the entry into my contest.
Ryan -
We re so concerned about giving criminals their rights, that victims seem to mean nothing any more. All has to be done legally, all have their rights, excpet those who are abused, victimized and killed - their rights are already taken, but tht matters little in this day and age. Liked the thoughts you express through these creative words.
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very nice.
Great write.
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Great write. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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wow this is a fantastic poem lets look through the keyhole and find the path to unlock the and the things that can block out the terror all through the night a well deserved silver trophy
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This pen reminded me of an organization called "Food, not Bombs" and whom I wrote an editorial about back in May of last year, for some of their volunteers were being jailed for feeding the homeless. I have it posted over at writing.com and if you care to read it, let me know and I will post it here.
Anyway, I enjoyed your 'abstract metephores', and you are correct about our freedoms being recited by the cops as we are nothing but an empty sack of flesh staring back at ourselves in the mirror if we continue to allow our government to get away with high treason and war crimes we punished others for doing 20 years ago.
Thank you for entering my contest and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Blessed Be~
)O(
DragonBlue
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I'm sorry that my comment won't be nearly as long as yours, but I'm afraid your poem says it all the abstract metaphors. :]
Loved the very beginning:
How about we take one more scoop
out of the world's punch bowl,
and ladle all the ingredients
into our own personal roles,
until they all overflow and turn
the whole floor orange.
Just stuck to me. Loved the poem.
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A well done stinging commentary on contemporary issues. "expensive words versus expensive health care" truer words have seldom been spoken so eloquently. So many strong lines here, but I believe the last line blows me away. Honestly, I was a bit afraid (from the title) that this work would be a bit too much, callous and bitter over the top. However it expresses so many things in just the right tone. Bravo!
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good
i really like it...its verry deep and explains a lot!!!...it means to me that the world is not doing what its supposed to be...it seems like all thats been happening is war...i think your sending out a great message to people!!!...its really good and i love the poem!!!...i love it!!!...
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Vibrant poem, great imagery and it not once hit the overdramatic monotonous angst tha;t I see in many poems with political value. I love the last two lines especially, they seemed so melodic. And I also found the idea of "expensive words" really interesting too. Awesome work!
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this is really great you are talented
i love this part
When we slip on the orange
we will fall in the red.
We can use murder as dips for our fatty foods
and put medicine on all of those self-inflicted
wounds.
A medicine of apologies, not warfare.
With expensive words, not expensive health care.
While the cops are reciting their required speech
to our freedom of mind and freedom to teach,
GREATNESS
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just the title takes me back to songs of COUNTRY JOE&THE FISH and 'THE HARLEM RAG' oh my am i really that old? thought the last stanza was the strongest:"While the cops are reciting their required speech
to our freedom of mind and freedom to teach,
I'll be here saying my words to a broken mirror
and looking into the eyes of your empty interior." great title very good 1st and exemplary last line to fit the mood of the entire piece thanks for sharing such a 'cuttung' diatribe against our present 'who cares' society regards zaj
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Whoa!
When I read the title I thought 'Hmm...sounds slightly morid' but was so intruiged I HAD to read this and I am quite glad I did.
The utter strength and raw honesty in this has just blown my mind; original, fresh, and sadly oh so real.
Your strong metaphors and links of reality are so fiercely penned they kind of scare me.
Some of the rhyming seems a bit off in a couple places but that might just be me(?)
Fantastic write from beginning to end; should be published somewhere
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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You will be saying your words to a broken mirror
and looking inside into the eyes of an empty exterior
there is nothing wrong with orange my friend and poet
it's full to brimming with natural vitality
it radiates sunshine , warmth and vitamin C
long live the orange that's what I feel and say
there's no need to segment or cut it any other way
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