Out of the array did flow my burden
Out in the audience did comb my noise
Out of their drums did ring my intention
And out of my brain did my fingers employ
hear with your eyes what I taste like
See with your ears my exotic design
Possess in your mind what I desire for you
All these feelings have been preassigned
Author notes
with up so floating many bells down yada yada yada. church. meant to be read slooooowly.
A contest entry
- The Sound and the Fury by demetrah10.
600 points, ended March 10, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I am quite fond of this. Your turning of the phrase is not only inventive in terms of image but also in terms of general rhyme and cadence. The rhyme is perfectly natural and the cadence just rolls off the tongue. The progression of the poem is quite nice as well -- it seems as if it is building from the creative process to the final product. Also, the ending is wonderful in its openness. This could be a piece about aesthetic theory or it could be social commentary on the "Big Brother" factor in our society. My only qualm is with the last line. I feel it is somewhat weak in its sophistication - although it does fit thematically. Additionally, "have been" seems a bit cumbersome on the tongue. Perhaps just a simple "are" would do the trick. The rest of the language is very active and in the present; it just tastes a bit off that the last is in the pluperfect. Overall, I very very much enjoyed reading this. Thank you.
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you know you like it and you just wanted to say pluperfect to sound cool
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Psshhh... of course I like it.
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church.
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