Crawling limb over twisted limb with sharp snaps of skulls.
Hollowed ground in search of blood yet trees bare no fruit here.
Skipping between stones she marks the dead.
For the moon shines as the land seeks blood.
Four new graves in the wrought iron grasps.
All with child they found decayed watery graves in their names.
Brought to land to be put six feet under, meeting only water in the box.
Snow falls and the child runs about marking the forgotten with roses.
The little girl is brought forth the mirror and smiles at herself.
There she sees herself, wondering about the sunny flowering field.
Stones rising from the vine work the world hath made.
Four new mommies for her taking and she clings to them each.
The blood roses mark the four tiny graves.
Gaping holes in the mommies' tummies show the problem.
The little girl looks upon them and grins.
She hold a hand up to her side of the mirror.
The two are one.
When Life and Death embrace reality the world shall see.
It's not nice to save Life from Death.
For both love the taste of blood.
Author notes
I like this one...You have to dig a little deeper.
A contest entry
- They love the taste of Blood by lie.
300 points, ended February 25, 2008, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1709 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Make of it what you will....
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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intriging
well done
smart how you leave it so fragmented.
that keeps it vague and forces people to continue reading and hopefully even thinking.
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First to talk about the spacing, thanks so much for reading!
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it tells a story.
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Thanks!
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Wow Incredible write!!! This is INCREDIBLE!!! Wow You did a very lovely job portraying this write!!! You did an amazing job with this!!! I LOVE IT!!
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Thanks for reading, glad you liked it...or rather glad you loved it ^^
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There are parts of this I loved, the dark imagery, the total feeling of a graveyard, but then there are parts that didn't work for me -- or I failed to understand. It's good to challenge your reader, but if it's too much like chewing really tough taffy that has no taste then no one will enjoy it.
'All with child they found decayed watery graves in their names.'
This line made no sense to me and it really pulled me out of the imagery and flow you had created.
On the other hand:
'Crawling limb over twisted limb with sharp snaps of skulls.
Hollowed ground in search of blood yet trees bare no fruit here.'
These are great lines and a great way to open your piece.
Good luck on the contest!
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Thanks ever so much for your comment!
I love getting long comments showing how much thought the person put into it!
As for the line
'All with child they found decayed watery graves in their names.
It was showing that each mother was pregnant, and found in the depths of a lake or ocean..."watery graves"
Thanks for reading! -
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Thanks for the explanation. Going back over the poem, I see how it works, but it's still a bit confusing (at least, to me). Reading the other comments here it's obvious your poem worked quite well for most everyone. Great job.
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This is a really good poem, and it stretched my capacity to understand it as well, which I liked. Not enough poems seem to do that anymore. I really enjoyed it.
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Thank you so much for reading!
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I dunno.... I think this is to deep for me. I like the title. About all I can say... I do like the idea of looking into a mirror. Like mirror poems in general.
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Oh, well. OKay. Thanks for reading it anyway!!
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I found this a really engaging and different piece, wonderful to see someone writing outside of the box. It really made me thinking and examine what you were saying. Good write
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Thanks for reading!
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Little girl lost
Quite stunning. A paradox of thought. A fractured mirror. Great imagination!! A flute of cunning.
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Thanks for the comment!
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Excellent
Your poetry is far above the average broken heart shit this site continues to spit out. Be very proud of yourself.
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Thank you,
that kind of poetry bugs me.
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Wow...
I am dumfounded and flabbergasted.
It was so many things. I couldn't possibly describe it with my mediocre words. This makes me feel everything and familiar things, too.
I. LOVE. This poem.
If I could give you 10 applause or more, I would.
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oh yay.
That makes me so happy!!
I will hug you now!
weeeee
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thinking outside the box
dark metaphoric theme and original , full of images conjured from this paradox poem..inspiring..
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Thanks for reading, I'm glad you liked it!
I had fun writing this, hope it took you on an adventure.
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I like it too. I was a little put off by the beginning; I'd figure this be some fiction story about little girls dying via vampires, but the ending gave the piece a nice twist.
I like the message and the overall metaphor, but the imagery seemed a little overdone. Good work.
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it was a bit tricky...i out a lot in to push the idea out a bit more.
I honestly thought it would confuse people more then tell a story, but thank you so much for the gold.
I loved the picture on your contest...you make it?
Thanks for reading!
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What an amazing poem! The two worlds conjoined by life and death... I love it.
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thanks! glad you liked it!
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I had to read this one twice. I like it. The last two stanzas are my favorite. And the first stanza is good too...it introduces the feel of the poem well. Nice job with this and I hope you do well in the contest!
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Ahh, thank you..it is a bit out there, but i love the feel of it...dunno
Guess it's how I vent when I babysit!
Thanks for reading, glad you liked it!
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