crafted with meticulous care
by a Master artist,
I await a gentle hand to
divulge the mysteries within
blonde wood hints at fragility,
preconceived perceptions
housed in homecoming queen facade
variations on a theme
each part is whole, complete
yet melding in perfect symmetry
gentle twist reveals the literate chef
concocting recipes to entice teenage appetites;
blending two parts Hemingway
with one of Austen,
taking care to season generously
with relevance
awaiting release, an ambitious athlete
moving with lithe grace
loses herself in endorphin nothingness;
equating zero with love
shedding shell at workday end,
the partner lays kindling
for her fireman’s flame;
and nestled deep within,
a child
Author notes
A matryoshka or Russian nested doll is a set of dolls of decreasing sizes placed one inside another.
A set of matryoshkas consists of a wooden figure which can be pulled apart to reveal another figure of the same sort inside. It has, in turn, another figure inside, and so on. Traditionally the outer layer is a woman. Inside, it contains other figures, usually ending in a baby that does not open.
This poem tells a little about me, including the fact that I am expecting a child.
In a list
A contest entry
- Poets Survivor Three - Preliminary Round #2 - Invite Only by Ryno.
625 points, ended March 2, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one; [&my weakness is that i care too much♥] by innocence jaded.xx.
1200 points, ended January 18, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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This really is ingenuous. You are so talented. I love how this was written so much. Really, everything about it is phenomenal.
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Ingenious. I like the theme you used here. It sort of read like a matryoshka.
I may have to try something similar sometime. Very clever.
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8.8/10
Beautiful poem. I love the idea behind it; it's so brilliant and very well penned. Your emotions were clear and how you wrote it was simply amazing. The only thing I can recommend in my future rounds contests [because you're in
] is extending the poem more, because you obviously have definite potential. Welcome to the finalists ♥
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Yes
got excited
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Once I googled Matryoshka and realized what it was, you could literally hear my chin drop to the ground.
This piece was compulsively brilliant.
It takes talent to even think of that as a metaphor and being able to give in your indepth perception! You worked at so many brilliant aspects... we learned a lot about you as a person.
The different parts of ourselves... its just so damn wicked.
Thanks for the entry. -
I thought this was FABULOUS!!!!!!!!
I feel like I really got to know you. You spoke of your looks, your job, your hobby, your husband and family life in such beautifully expressive terms.
AND THIS WAS EXQUISITE!!!! I LOVED HOW AS YOU MOVED THROUGH EACH TWIST AND LAYER OF THE NESTING DOLL THAT WE SAW A MORE AND MORE INTIMATE PICTURE OF YOU!!!!!!!! Stunning. A totally incredible metaphor, carried out with ease and cleverness.
I truly loved this piece.
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Thank you for the wonderful boost to my confidence. I was concerned because I interpreted the prompt in a literal fashion while many of the other outstanding poets had more metaphysical writes. As some people are tactile learners and others audio learners, I find that I am a concrete poet. Your comment made my day.
Liz
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Yes!
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Thank you Bunny.
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this is a delight and revealing of so many glimpses and facets of a personality and connected lives, a very satisfying answer to the question posed by the theme, whom indeed...PK
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Thank you for your wonderful comment. This is a life altering event for me, and I find that it influences what I am writing. I am the person I always was, but now I have a new responsibility and I wanted to incorporate that into my poem. Peace, Liz
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Congratulations, thanks for sharing your good news! And also this poem is completely brilliant and beautiful. What a wonderfully perfect image and metaphor.
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Thank you for your wonderful comment. I am enjoying the works of the other poets in this challenge. Each of the poems in this round gives me a glimpse of the person behind the poetry. Peace, Liz
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Great choice of metaphor. This piece really made me feel that you'd opened yourself up right to the last doll, honest and raw and emotional. I love the second and third stanzas particularly, and the ending is superb, simple but so striking. The recipe-writing has, admittedly, been done before, but you brought something new to it. Very well done, best of luck in the contest!
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Thank you for the comment. This is my interpretation of the "onion" poem where you peel away the layers to slowly reveal more. I agree that the chef example is not unique, but it seems as if I have exhausted my teacher metaphors. I'll have to dig deeper next time. Peace, Liz
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Fantastic use of metaphor. Brilliant write.
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Thank you for your wonderful comment. While I admire many talented poets on this site I have become more comfortable using my own voice. I would love to emulate the mystical poetry of my favorites, but I find that I tend to interpret the prompts in a linear way. Peace, Liz
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You need not emulate those you admire though there is nothing wrong with incorporating stylistic aspects you like into your own poetry. Your voice sings.
As for linear interpretation of promts, I think that sometimes writers try to be abstract because they think it makes their poetry seem "deep". There is nothing wrong with abstraction in poetry but it isn't necessarily deep and sometimes is quite shallow or else so opaque as to be understandable to the author only.
Don't take me wrongly. Abstract poetry can be excellent and deep and moving. However, depth of thought can be shown clearly with "linear" interpretations when they are well written and this poem is very well written.
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I think this is your best one so far...that I've read, that is. I love the title, and basically the whole poem. Genius.
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Thank you for your wonderful comment. After reading the other entries in this contest I realize that mine is the most literal. It is a joy to be in a contest with so many talented poets.
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Congrats on the silver!
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Yes
Stanza 4 is my favourite here and of course, the ending. There's much expressed on these lines and so eloquently too. Poetic device is subtle and well applied here to add gentle emphasis. A well chosen noun and metaphor with excellent imagery, well done.
Good luck!
La x
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Thank you for your vote of confidence. I think my poem was more literal than most of the other entries, and I am glad you enjoyed it. Perhaps it is the hormonal surge, but I feel inspired by little "whosis" and wanted to include him/her in my poem. Liz
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Beautiful
That was very beautifully done. Very descriptive. I was a lot more vague with mine. I especially liked: awaiting release, an ambitious athlete
moving with lithe grace
loses herself in endorphin nothingness;
equating zero with love
Wonderful piece!
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Thank you for reading and commenting on this poem. I enjoy being in this contest with all the talented poets.
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Stunning.
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Thank you for your comment and the clappies. I appreciate them both.
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