you asked me how
i knew at this age
that i was in love
until i gently
held your hand
with my fingerless glove
i smiled as our
index fingers brushed
on the busy street
you wriggled your toes
it was cold in the city
where we were going to meet
your smile peeked out
behind your jacket collar
hair confined in a hat
i was swimming in your
glow, and found
you knew that.
Author notes
Option 3.
sorry for the rhyming.
i don't usually do that.
it just decided to be that way.
A contest entry
- Because we're not sick of options yet. by Viva La Vie Boheme.
600 points, ended March 25, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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this is so beautiful.
the title sounds like it should be a song.
this piece reall made smileeeeee. :]] -
hey, cool to see you go with the flow. It's just a natural impulse sometimes - just listen to all the modern lyrics that rhyme. Maybe you are a songwriter at heart.
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this is a really good structure, because you let the stanzas sit fairly apart in ideas and imagery, and they come off as little airy wisps of one story.
oh, and the word choice was really "cute". not cute meaning dumb or childish, but put a crooked smile on this usually heartless boy's face, and just painted a very youthful picture. especially: "wriggled your toes", "fingerless glove", "smile peeked out".
it was just cute. and good.
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thanks but i never have considered you to be mr. heartless by any means. maybe mr. descriptive or mr. loopy or mr.you'vebeenhurttoomanytimesanditsveryfamiliar but never heartless.
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i really liked this. The raw images, Teenage love.
really beautiful.
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cuuute! I didnt notice it rhymed until your author comments. The whole thing just rolled along. I like the puddley feeling of this. just heartbeats and shining and splashes of something its really just going along on its own way. Beautiful!
xo<3
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you've been writing alot of lovey dovey poems latley; who's the lucky guy ;P hehe
but this was sweet; something im not really used to reading from you so its a nice surpise
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Forgive me for this! I'm not nit-picking, this'll just help you when I get to rereading and judging lately
but gentley needs to miss the second e.
But wow! I LOVE this! I love the take you took on it, and the way you wrote it. The format was very successful.
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