mama never hugged anyone,
unless by accident
she once told me how,
as a baby, I’d cry every time
she held me -
as a grown woman
I fought the urge
to apologize
mama was unavailable,
surrounded by a fortress
of eggshell emotions -
one learned early
to watch their step
when my sun shone
I would try to show it to her,
but to mama it was flawed light
& she said so with a coldness
that was crystal clear
right before mama died
she told me she always loved me
but that we’re different people -
somehow I didn’t feel warmer
maybe mama thawed out
where she is, maybe God showed her
that she missed how lovable I am
& maybe when I get to heaven
mama will have some answers for me
whatcha think of this? critique welcome
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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I know kinda how you feel. My mother never showed any emotion towards me and when my dad got custudy of me she disowned me and it's now been 10 years since I've spoken with her.
great job showing your emotions here -
sad and touching, i am sorry you never had a relationship with your mother.
good luck -
This is so sad, i'm so sorry. It's a great piece. Thanks for your entry and good luck.
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"mama was unavailable,
surrounded by a fortress
of eggshell emotions -"
I really like that line a lot -
love it, i loved the words choice. thank you for sharing. -eleno
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pain/hurt are what you remember - at times just relating this is a great catharsis thanks for sharing this so personal and moving tale regards zaj
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Oh Sorry
So sorry for the pain that you experienced growing up without the unconditional love and hugs you so needed and deserved for yes you are so lovable. I feel is what we all need is for our hearts to be seen and to be loved upon, is my belief!! Just to be loved for who God created us to be and to be encouraged in our gifts and talents. I too did not receive the love I needed so this poem pierced my heart. Thank you for sharing your gift to write poetry from your heart with me. Also thank you for commenting on my poem last night.
Many Blessings
Kelle Marie
stavykm:f
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..Superb. Extremely well written, i love the simplicity yet emotional complexity of it, the way you have worded it. Very well done
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This was wonderful, and very convincing if not true. Beautiful poem.
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Well, whether or not you have issues with your mom is beside the point. The point is you have very convincingly persuaded me that such is, er... was, the case.
when my sun shone
I would try to show it to her,
but to mama it was flawed light
that bit is totally marvelous... the centerpiece of the poem. Such writing should obviate the need for wishes of "Good Luck!" to you. But, judges being judges, I'll wish you the best of luck anyway and hope the judge sees reason!
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Tear jerking. I have some issues with my mother as well and this poem really hits home. Magic words.
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My own mother told me that I would fight her when I was a baby, and even as a child all the way till I was 20
Thanks for sharring this write, It is very well written and constructed.
Arrianna
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This is so touching. You show quite a tenderness and warmth, even when describing her coldness. It shows how deeply you loved her still, in spite of (or perhaps because of) her distance. Good Job!
Good luck in the contest!
~ Kit -
Well Done
This is a wonderful and touching poem. I have had the same problem with my own life, but for me it was always just mom didn't know how to show the love that I knew she felt. So it was not as bad with me, or even close, really.
I am sure that she loved you very much, and knew what a loveable person you are, just because you accepted her the way that she couldn't change.
A beautiful write. -
I think we had the same mother. You put into words, perfectly, exactly what I've always tried to say about my own mother. Stay strong, and focus on the present. Lots of love and thanks for sharing.
~Epiphany
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Excellent poetry, the sadness in the absence of warmth comes through very clearly in your beautiful writing. Thank you for sharing this.
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wow there is a lot of pain in this poem but its beautiful...5/5. i give you major props for sharing this in this manor
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Impressive
I like this poem
GOOD JOB
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This is so very expressive and very well written, the poetic device used is exact and emphasizes perfectly. Laura x
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I did a play once and the character I played went through the very same thing. Thankfully in my real life I never felt this but as an actress playing a character , I have. You penned it masterfully with just enough poignancy to make me feel sad but not pity. thanx, conni
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nope...heart still colder than antartica!
uhh, this is on spotlight to try to make ppl warmer...either it fails alot, or i am too cold to notice it! -
wjat a gutsy, down-to-earth write this is. i felt the pain and the acceptance of something you can't change. you've out-done yourself with this one
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I hate using the phrase 'I can totally relate to this.' In this case, it just isn't anything else to describe my feelings.
I am like your mother in some ways, and I have an aunt like this as well. I don't know her story, but I know mine.
Mine is a product of constant psychological damage growing up. One moment, you give your love to your family and friends. They give it back to you affectionaly. Then the next moment, it's thrown back in your face in ridicule.
Anyways... I do believe this is the first poem on this site that actually made me cry.
-Aly
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I feel the emotion, the tears in your eyes
falling on the keyboard, mothers love hidden prize
dying to relive life, rebuild the dissed times
asking to be forgiven, most hurting of crimes
I hope its a story, not one that you knew
So incredibly sad, I pray its not true.
rudolf
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It is a heartrending composition. Some people never realize what they are missing. Although your mother probably loved you and didnt know how to show it, she missed out on alot. This is very well done.
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There are many people like you mother. For those of us that love freely and are affectionate, well...we just can't comprehend. Sometimes it is a life altering event that makes them such and sometimes it is there way of believing it makes us stronger. But really it somehow just depraves us of what we needed most as a child, the affection of our mother and to know we were totally loved. I believe she did love you, I just believe that she didn't really know how to show it well. This poem is phenomenal.
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good luck with the contest + whenever/wherever you encounter your 'mama' again very good last stanza summation thanks for sharing regards zaj
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Those first two lines are very strong - and I can totally relate to it.
My mother doesn't hug easily actually. She is a very strong woman, she's quite hardcore actually and she has it difficult to show love the right way (I inherited that from her so I can totally understand that) but a lot of other people have it difficult with that (my father, sister, half her family, Jovy...)
I do know though my mother loves me, my sister, father and jovy and whoever else she knows to pieces. It's just so difficult for her to show - and if the tries to show, it mostly turns out disastrously.
If this one would be in one of my contests - it would be straight gold. I have been able to relate to many pieces in some way, but this one comes the closest to that ability.
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