i like you
i love you
i think i need you
but do you like me
i know u dont love me
and you dont need me
could we make it work
could you grow to love me
and even need me
i ponder the thought every day
i wonder why i love you
and why i think i need you
if we date later on
will i get hurt
or will it be forever
i know you're not good for me
i have been told
but you've entrapped me
i like you
i love you
i think i need you
Author notes
Tarianas Last Hope
A contest entry
- Ever heard of hissless hymns?! by SilverInk.
600 points, ended February 29, 4 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Well first of all, good job on completing the task at hand. I see you successfully managed to write a poem without using the 's'! Good job. The structure of the poem is quite interesting, I like how it starts with short sentences, then kind of bulges out in the middle and then goes back to short sentences again. In that way, to me, it looks and gives the feel of taking a deep breath. I thought that was interesting though you might not have done it on purpose haha...thought it was neat. The repetition didn't work too well for me though, and this seemed a little too much like 'surface' writing. By that I mean, I think you could have 'dug a little deeper' into this. The message is there, and I know what you're trying to say, that's very clear, but I wish you would have put a little more emotion into it. The best way to get reader's to connect with your poetry is to let them know exactly how you feel! Add some adjectives in there ^_^. Overall, not bad, but maybe a little tweaking would help.
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thanx for the ideas but it was so hard to convey what i did with out "s" or i think i couldve done a better job. but thanx
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I agree this was quite a challenge, so I greatly appreciate you entering the contest ^-^
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