chase me down the road
i deserve it
i am racially inferior
then throw me into a carriage
like screaming cattle
leave me there to die
and, if i am still alive at Weimar
drag me out
kick me
and scream at me
kick me again
set your dogs on me
and make me crawl in the dirt
up the Carachoweg
onto the Ettersberg
to perish at Buchenwald
Author notes
http://allpoetry.com/column/2340231
A contest entry
- Anything that is funny,or dark and visually appealing by Alive Again.
550 points, ended April 11, 2008, 38 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEENAGERS - We're not all thick, yeah? #2 by LaurenLightning--x.
730 points, ended May 7, 2008, 42 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Quickie by Mango Memories.
400 points, ended October 20, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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love thisssssssss.
so powerful, without metaphor complicating it too much.
love lovee loveee.
thanks for entering it
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This is very powerful. I love that you just made me feel like I could have been there at Buchenwald. I'm glad I'm NOT, but hey. Thanks for sharing.
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Wow! You show how ridiculous the hateful act was.
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Powerful, very powerful. I actually know what those names mean and what kind of conotation is put on them, so well done. I didn't like the lack of capitalization and grammar but I said no rules so I really can't count that against you. I liked how you put such a negative and horrible thing into an even darker light. The lack of hope is well portrayed. Good job and good luck! ~Des
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This is a very well written poem about a very heart-breaking subject. Your imagery is intense as well are the emotions expressed in this write. Thanks for sharing this with us.
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very interesting~ i love the darkness in this write. Thanks 4 your entry and good luck!
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Impressive write, made more so by the use of those names of camps that still live on in collective memory, in infamy. What a terrible time that was if, as you say, an individual happened to be "racially inferior".
Excellent write.
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I liked this alot. Simple and straight to the point. The factor of white supremacy being incorporated is interesting, emotional and powerfull through the terminology of verbs and similes. Terrific write, purely amazing! Good luck in my contest
~Emily~ xx
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oy I commented on this and I guess it didn't take, or you erased it. so let me say it again. If you are going to write about the Shoah, its almost impossible to write poorly, congratualtions on your feat. This is a laundry list. It has all the simplicity of style of Wiesel, without the depth. And I think the depth was the main thing.
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I didn't delete any comments, so AP must have been acting crazy again. Thank you for your honest comment, I appreciate it.
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A hard hitting read for me. I liked it's starkness. Thanks for your entry
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meh.... more ww2 lol
it was well written though and you clearly have talent
so thanks, really for the entry
and i wish you good luck -
This was deeply engaging and very powerful the message. Emotions flow through your words; leaving the reader to ponder your thoughts.
Beautiful and touching write!
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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this is sad i think the holocaust was a horrible thing that happened well awesome write thanx for entering
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Seems a tad forceful in literal imagery, perhaps you meant that but to me it seemed to relay more of a direct image rather than a direct image with a message behind it. That's how I read it.
Other than that, a good poem that you have written here.
-Nam -
The problem I tend to see in poetry inspired by the concentration camps is that the poet does more or less exactly what you'd expect them to do: focus on imagery. You did too - which makes sense given the subject material. The only problem with that is that if you're focusing on imagery, you're essentially pitting your written word imagery against the actual pictures and firsthand descriptions of the camp. You're setting up your impressions of what it was probably like against one of the most powerful senses humans have - sight. Essentially, you have to paint a picture that's better than an actual picture, and I don't think I've ever seen that done on any subject. You've summed up the basic premise of the camps here but it doesn't have the same power as its inspiration.
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Thank you so much for this detailed comment - I'm glad you honestly told me your opinion!
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um....wow....very deep with emotion....thank you soo much for entering...check back not adding to the finalists list yet....
~*~An Unwritten Truth~*~ -
Brave and true - well done
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this cuts to the bone and shows one of evil's faces. you've made it gritty and ugly as such a topic really is. too damn realistic. that may not sound like praise but it is
thank you for entering and good luck
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this is super powerful and very well-written. you did an amazing job, thank you for sharing!
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This is amazing.
It is such a powerful piece it really leaves the reader in awe.
The imagery created in this piece blew me away, Especially the lines :
then throw me into a carriage
like screaming cattle
This poem is very well written.
Thank you for entering and good luck!
Arc-En-Ciel--x -
A well written dramatic piece. A topic that deserves the level of intensity at which you have written. Thank you for entering.
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I enjoyed this very much .. You did very well bringing us into this and I appreciate your entry very much
Best of luck in the contest. -
This is the first WWII poem I have read. I have to say I enjoyed it quite a bit. It seems to have so much raw power behind it. Thanks for entering and goodluck.
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superb
one of the best writes that I read today, gut gemacht ich bewundere deine talent,
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Ah, this is terribly sad. This poem is perfect. Keep writing.
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wow. wow. this is amazing. no joke. my grandmother was just telling me today about her experiences of Europe during WWII, and then to read this poem...
excellent job. -
Holy crapola... Firstly, I'm glad I had the chance to read this! It was so sad and hauntingly beautiful, in that it shows what a sad society we live in. No matter our heritage, etc... We all still bleed the same shade of red. Well done, and thank you for entering.
Laura xxx
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oh so perfect.
so scary but it needs to be talked about
one of my dad's friends was at buchenwald; fortunatly he survived. -
this is very in tune to the last one of yours i read, it holds the same power and atmosphere to it - it is a crazy world we live in at times, people thinking they are better than others and having the power of life and death in their hands - a good poem.
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I kinda feel surprised that you would choose to enter this in my contest as a prewrite. I feel like you could probably do much better. I mean, I don't know who you are. But this almost doesn't even seem polished or finished at all. Seems a bit raw. Thanks for entering.
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Great Poem
A vivid reality poem depicting what happens when a country embraces fascism and it's aftermath genoside
this poem is commendable since It keeps the memory of
what happened alive and helps to deter support for the scum still crawling out from under the stones
(whatever names they hide behind) in europe
Full marks for this poem Anna!!!Best wishes George +++
p.s. see you on my patch.Aufwiederlesen -
hmmm poem on slavery thats definitely new lol great job i liked it a lot here is my favorite part!
"kick me again
set your dogs on me
and make me crawl in the dirt
up the carachoweg
onto the ettersberg"
great job and keep it up. and good luck in the contest -
Sad & simple.
Thanks & good luck
BabyLove--x -
Wow! How intensly dark! Great job the imagerary was awesome! Thank you for entering the contest!
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so sad. but wonderful in identifiying discrimination and cruetly. Good job.
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i love it thanx for enetrying good luck
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This is just so sad... I hope you don't feel this way about yoruself, because nobody should hate themselves to this extent [though I do understand, because I've been there, so I guess I'm a hypocrite]. Nicely done though.
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I've seen reactions like yours from many people, especially teachers who were really shocked when they read this poem...
But it's rather something about German history... Been trying to find out as much as I can about Nazi Germany, and as I result I also wrote some poems about National Socialism, especially the KZs (concentration camps).
Thanks for commenting!
Annie
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good luck in the contest this was a good poem
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thank you for entering and good luck
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No matter how much it feels like it, no body is not worth living. Your worthy in your own special way, no matter how many times you've fucked up and no matter how bad you've fucked up.
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Good.
That was really pretty. It was dark and descriptive. Thanks for entering! good luckk! -
"chase me down the road
i deserve it
i am racially inferior"
That first stanza just....says a million things. It addresses society's corruptedness... (lol don't think that's a word, but I'll use it anyway)
Great poem though, wonderfully written. Thanks for entering!
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