My heart was broken,
Cracked and weathered
My mind was fooled,
Mistaken and wary
My body was beat,
Bruised and damaged,
Because I fell for all your lies.
My stomach was starved,
From wanting to be thin.
My skin was burned,
From many lit cigarettes.
My blood stopped pumping,
From handling too much.
Because I fell for all your lies,
It killed me.
A contest entry
- pain for love by Life Is A Game.
600 points, ended March 3, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Criticize me. :] Please? I usually don't write in this style, my poems almost always rhyme. Tell me what you think.
Comments
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wow
i really liked it. im not quite sure why but it rings out to me very well. congrats and good luck!!
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You were suffering from your own expectations. As do we all to some degree at some time in our lives. I assume this was written posthumously. Sorry you're dead. But...y'know. It's pretty intrinsic to being human. Too bad you were such a drama queen some loser finished you off.
But that's the way of the world sometimes. -
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That's entirely true. Thanks for the comment, but this never happened to me, obviously, because it would be too hard to write this after I was dead. It's just one of those things that were written in the perspective of someone else.
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Takes a while to change over from rhyme to free verse - I liked this, the flow, the brevity of the lines and the message you share with others here. Keep trying more of this - think it works just fine.
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