Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Innocence Lost: and yet I am haunted

Missing image

By stark visions

so somber

that my body

 

shudders with a

cold chill, as if in

a waking nightmare,

 

shadows in my mind, cringe

in a surreal moment

frozen

 

like my soul

that fears a fate

worse than death itself.

 

Distant memories play

slow, painful

in tattered motion like

 

an old movie spinning

on a silent reel and

anxiety creeps in as quiet

 

as shallow, held breath

until light of day again calms

my beleaguered spirit.

Author notes

Picture credit goes to RodRego @ deviantart.com

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Breathless

    I lost my breath reading this; your word use got to me because you didn't pen something cliche.
    This goes deeper than the picture allows and shines so brightly

    ♥
    Thank you for your entry
    Best of luck
    Stay safe
    ~Manda


  • Margaret Denham gold member
    February 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Haunting, yet so beautifully crafted.




  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    February 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great pic to accompany a wonderfully written poem.

    I am fascinated by your emerging style. You have begun to write in such an interesting way - dropping in a few very powerful, vivid words here and there to spice it up a little - like adding pepper or spices to a traditional dish to give it more flavor - but always careful not to add to much to deter from the original idea... does that make sense?
    Also, it seems you're becoming very aware of the sounds of the words themselves... you use a great deal of assonance and alliteration. In this poem, there are a lot of "s" sounds, which kind of gives a sneaky, creepy feeling of self-doubt.
    Brilliant!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    February 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That's haunting! You have no idea how much I can relate to this, especially:

    Distant memories play
    slow, painful
    in tattered motion like

    an old movie spinning
    on a silent reel and
    anxiety creeps in as quiet

    I often have memories that at times will do that... sad and dark. Beautifully written!

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    February 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully penned, with such a depth of spoken brilliance, love always Josie


  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
    February 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Definetly sad/darkish, perfect MJ, haunting cretive words


    Cindy

1 - 6 of 6