When conscience cried poverty, 'twas broken
A workhouse of souls, not loved nor hated
But blemished hands, yet have not spoken
Of the bliss that comes from being sedated
Lords labor to enliven their barmy pose
Ladies hark to odes being sung in praise
Yet, thy workers are granted their repose?
Hats adorn heads as slick as mayonnaise.
Hither come thee, in glorious winter's morn'
Plastering pretty images on bottles of wine
As malnourished children in beauty mourn
In languid hopes of decoration, ladies pine
Empty tummies compliment brimming hearts
Love doesn't die, it burns on death's pyre
Hollow hallucinations feed on torso's arts
As bleak sky yearns for beguiling sapphire
Orphaned tears now rest in debtor's prison
A silent, snuffed out wisp of ember cries
What is left is naught, but leper's lesions
As families parted through malignance dies....
Author notes
Every single line has a meaning, whether of irony or elegic thoughts.The Workhouses
Picture Credit unknown, if anyone knows let me know plz..
If you totally do not get this, go here
In a list
I like constructive criticism when well flavoured ;)
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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a great and well written of piece
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Yes
The seducing (yes, seducing) thing about this write is how the metaphor you used it so vast and applies to so many people, yet, you were able to place the situation to yourself... witch is a feat all on its own.
I truly appluad you with the form and flow. Even the bulkier (
) words worked out very well.
Wonderful penning, other then this, I echo Ten.
Ryan -
Wow, this is a deep poem. I can tell you worked hard on this piece, or maybe it just came naturally to you, either way, this piece is GOOD! Nice work.
~Takayuki~ -
yes
I think this is a great poem. It was a good mix of elegy and satire, although the satire seemed a little odd in a spot or two-mayonnaise, lol. Your rhyme and rhythm were beautiful. There was a gentle sadness throughout.
My main beef with this is that you didn't seem to follow the contest directions at all. The idea was to write about yourself. Though, at first, I refused to look at your explanation link, so I could make sure your poem spoke for itself, I finally checked it to see if that would help me find YOU, and it didnt really seem to add anything that the poem itself hadnt already delivered.
This is definitely a poem to be proud of. The theme is socially conscious as well as morally relevant. The structure and flow are excellent, and I really enjoyed its sway.
I want to mention here and for any other contestants who may be reading this, that in all future rounds, I will not be able to pass anyone through if the round's particular instructions are not followed, no matter how great a poem. It is not fair to others who work within the confines of the requirements. Because this was such a great write, i thought you deserved a chance to move on, but please be mindful in the future.
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A very well written piece, with a strong message. Great rhythm and rhyme good word choice and a powerful read...
Love & Light
Debbera
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i liked it, think it reflected some historical importance, a reform era in labor that swept over a larger part of the world and has become relevant again in today's world...globalization a buzzword for labor exploitation...very humanized identity here...empty stomachs and children...very powerful...PK
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Amazing poem you've penned here. The language, as usual, is very rich and adds dimension to the subject. Your thoughts are very deep and the message conveyed throws a mirror in the face of society. Well done.
alby
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Really powerful composition. Its quite contradictory thinking about how women in the Industrial Age worked mercilessly in factories (to perhaps package, or create food) compared to their starving children at home. Great vocabulary, rhyme, and alliteration throughout. Thank you for sharing this with the group.
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great rhythm and rhyme here. very vivid imagery. the message is clear. thank you for sharing this. keep writing! God bless you always
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This piece has an excellent rhyme and rhythm. I don't know if you are using a particular form but there is a certain ease to the flow of the piece that seems quite natural when read.
I think your use of rhyme, and alliteration is subtle enough to lend a lyrical sound to your poem without distracting from the overall effect of the thought progression. Very well written.
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Oh my, so many women, One wonders, what did they all do and where are their children? I liked the feel of an old english write, and the irony that showed through.
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Good luck in the contest... I really liked the choice of language in this piece... masterful, but not overly wordy
... my favorite part was the 'hollow hallucinations' - lovely rhythm and flow brilliant
Keep writing
Polly -
A wonderful poem, crafted with careful thought, fitting closely into a form but flying free with images of poverty and greed, pain and pleasure. Even if this is judged to be inappropriate for the contest, you can be proud of this creation. First line, fourth stanza, I wondered about /compliment/, should it be /complement/, then saw, ironically, that it read your way as well.
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for me, this is an absolute masterpiece !
especially after I have had the honor to read your precious elaborations added in your author's notes ...
you can be very proud of this write, I haven't read the feedback of other poets, the host and judges yet, but I suppose they will share my enthousiasm and acclaim this exceptional write ...
bravo, wakingangel !
maa
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Good rhyme rhythm and flow to it. You captured what it feels to live the Ye Olde era
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I like the olde feel to this, having been accused of being "classical" myself.
There a few places that could benefit from some minor editing: nothing regarding the content--which is richly imaged and skillfully worded--just some places where appropriate punctuation was left out and where nouns and verbs don't appear to agree. I'm one of those grammar nazis, so I notice things like that. Otherwise, you've painted a very good picture with your words with this satire.
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Great rhythm, rhyme and flow to this poem. Great picture and poem to accompany it. Even if it did not fit the requirements of this contest, you did an awesome job writing this.
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Well written poet,
great choice to share with us.
Ephiphany♥ -
This poem was beautifully written with interesting, unforced rhymes. It has been a long time (maybe never) since I have seen a thoughtful poem that used the rhyming word mayonnaise. Very nicely done. Peace, Liz
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In order for someone to see your personality in this poem, they have to understand what you're talking about. It took me a few reads to get the gist of what you were talking about...I also had to look up some words, lol, but I thought each situation described brought out your view or opinion (and therefore your personality trait.) Cleverly done. I really liked this. Irony as a metaphor for a person...that's pretty cool. Good luck.
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I enjoyed this.
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Who cares if you didn't meet someone elses criteria. Your voice is strong and welcome here... Three thumbs up
plus the bunnies...
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great work with the rhyming. wow, YOU are so creative. this is absolutely clever. good luck!
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And I absolutely love it as well, there is such wonderful meaning in each line, yet it is laced with irony and satire, layered on top of the mournful feeling of the piece. Excellent rhythm and rhyme, Amazing work, rich in depth and emotion. Hugs, Bunny
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