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The Night



His eyes shone with such hate,

I feared I would not last the night.

The path I had taken too late,

now was the end of the light.

                The colour of crimson

                contorts my veins

                a twisted rememberance

                of the old days

His breathe grew louder,

the world seemed to stop.

His eyes cracked like thunder,

I begged to be let off.

               The roar of the fire

               that took me away

               burns scorch marks

               of filth and decay

The time was to come,

when I'd bleed to the core.

Where he had won,

and I'm left to the floor.

              Cracked and exposed

              a china conspiracy;

              the blood flow deepens

              it's all coming back to me

The moment was fading,

the man I once adored -

had come to invading,

the place unexplored.

             The blood never dries

             in parceled up praise

             and I'll never be okay

             at the end of the day

I lay there for hours,

in blood, semen and tears.

Lost and overpowered,

brought back all my fears.

            You'll never know it

            but I bleed over you

            the memories wont fade

            and can't be subdued  

Author notes

Hmmm... seems pretty sinister/dark.


option 1 - uh, title of it.
ummm it's a bit odd, but hey, just like me!

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Miss Macabre
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    This entry was very entertaining, and very dark. You worded the whole poem beautifully and it was packed with imagery. Abusive love is just another kind of love, isn't it? Good luck to you.


  • redhanded
    December 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hmm I really enjoyed this piece. it has a great flow as well as good imagry too. great take on the prompt. thanks so much for your entry I enjoyed it very much. best of luck to you in this contest and in the future.
    andi
    (redhanded)


  • Re-invention silver member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    really distrubing and truly amazing. The image portraited here was very well done. The verbiage was kept simple and the rhyming- even though to my vision seemed short- made true sense here.
    The very sinister details and vivid almost life-experience tale does fit the option very powerfully.
    The fromat was indeed exclusive and very effective.
    I liked it. This is a very disturbing write indeed.
    thank you for entering!

  • Perfect Insanity
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very polished piece. You portray an understanding of the situation that is supposed to be
    beyond your ability in this piece as you place yourself as the victim. I truly hope this was not a real experience because it seems to very well written ..that it just might be.

    The rhyming added a lot of strength to this poem. Yes indeed, this is a very dark piece with a sinister language. But I think you have done more than a good job with it. The format as well increases the understanding of this piece for the readers. I love what you did with the tense. But I must admit that in a couple of stanzas the tense was a bit of, almost as if you confused the flashback.

    Very vivid, very strong raw language. You have more than a handful of details in here that give
    this piece that very real feel to it. Very good job. Good luck in the contest.

    Fresa Salvaje


  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    June 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The colour of crimson
    contorts my veins

    Well done.....this was very vivid. Thanks for entering and good luck.

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**


  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    February 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice composition--Well Written & Versed with good imagery and flow!!
    I admire your talent--Well Done!!


  • Erika Elektrikka
    February 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was amazing. I pray this was not an experience thing. You blew me away with your words... amazing my dear.

    Good Luck,
    Erika

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    February 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love you yes this is very dark indeed wishing you some peace here if you need to talk much love always

1 - 8 of 8