A liquid world encapsuled in
a sphere of illusionary precision.
Words spoken in a nightless void
drip impulses of infinate life.
Shadows of intelligent beings
are scattered across a vast ocean.
The pulse of man generated out of
the perplexities of liquidity.
We breathe the moisture of
metamorphic air.
A soluble proponent of a
creative mind.
The illusive is partner
with the fluid streams
of perpetual motion.
They merge in the atmospheric
equation of eternity.
As the waters of life continually
drip in a cycle of regeneration.
Anticipating the awakening
of aquatic beings.
Who will one day transcend to
the spiritual enlightenment
of lucid thought.
A contest entry
- Still Water by NurseChilly.
1750 points, ended March 18, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I do like this, but I feel it is a tad heavy on the adjectives, that sometimes don't actually match what you are trying to say. .... as in, how can the illusion of water, match perpetual motion of fluid streams - which is the water?? - some confusion there...
but I can see how hard you worked on this and do appreciate your efforts.
Some fine tuning and tweaking and adding some line breaks to allow the reader to pause, to soak in some of the great lines, will help to make this piece rather good..
I do like the last three lines a lot ... well done
G.x
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Haha, the title really threw me off. Very nice poem, but I'd consider changing the name---unless that's what you were going for, which in that case--one word: awesome.
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Loved it! It flowed like a liquid pool of crstal.....awesome imagery, great flow and the concept is simply stunning!
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This had such fantastic wording that the visuals that they provided were outstanding. This is a fantastic piece of writing, my friend. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Soulful Woman
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What verbiage you used in these lines - interesting images and alliteration in this poem as well.
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