Catalyst

I woke to the sun in my eyes once again, and was filled with love.
I was filled with excitement, the sun and snow united once again.
I became older today, my mind expanded.
I pushed them all forward, told them to write about a catalyst.

But here I am, the only one writing once again.
Trying to break free from this cycle of life,
trying to make it on my own without strife.
Here I am, the only one writing once again,
writing about this catalyst - you.

Now I feel like giving up.
I try so hard, but nothing comes of it. My hard work means nothing.
Sometimes I just feel like high school was one thing,
but I can't handle university. I can't handle this crowd.

So here I am, the only one writing once again.
Trying to break free from this cycle of life,
trying to make it on my own without strife.
Here I am, the only one writing once again,
writing about this catalyst - you.

I worked so hard, 12 years of education at the Advanced Level,
yet here I am, struggling through first year university.
Everyone holds such high expectations of me, I don't want this,
but I don't want to let them down.

I go back to being the only one writing once again.
I'm trying to break free from this cycle of life,
trying to make it on my own without strife.
Here I am, the only one writing once again,
writing about this catalyst - failure.

It's going to put me in a grave, and bury me six feet deep.
The stress is astounding; I don't know if I can bear it.
Expectations and failure are one on this spectrum,
and here I am, spinning out of control.

Writing once again,
trying to break free,
I've got to make it on my own.
The only one writing again,
writing about this.
Writing about this, this catalyst.
Writing about you.