In the soiled embarrassment of youth, I said:
It was to stop her talking,
That I first pressed my lips to hers.
I promise,
I did not understand the feeling then.
It blew slow warm water onto frozen hands,
Guiding Heaven's cherry bow toward my upturned face.
Yet I swear it was not love.
But love's seed was unseen.
Untasted,
In that kiss.
Somehow from her petalled lips a tiny, hidden beauty passed,
Entering my startled mouth and lodging
Beside my unborn heart;
Unfurling leaves of palest green,
Flowering sweet and summer-rhymed.
In time
It grew into care.
And it is still present as I write this,
In my tingling fingertips,
My eyes cast upward.
The trembling knee, wrapped in ochre petals
And moved by memory's sails.
This ache that still remains in me
Now twists new branches under ligament and skin.
It begins to stifle oxygen, and choke the beating breath within.
My pen drags across the page
Under weight of it.
How I long to kiss you once again.
Seeds of enlightened tenderness are bursting to return to you
On my unspeaking, dry lips.
They await the moistness of your tongue
To grow.
And as my eyelashes now brush yours,
My heart awakes.
In love,
And in full bloom.
Author notes
There's a deliberate shift from the subject as third person to second. I hope it feels natural.
In a list
A contest entry
- Your most eloquent Prewrite by Arrianna MacEwan.
450 points, ended February 25, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In Their Kiss. by Poetryintheblood.
525 points, ended March 2, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Everything! by Uncle Haku.
1400 points, ended March 10, 2008, 49 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest!! Please enter!! by With Broken Wings.
1200 points, ended March 15, 2008, 102 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - jfhljf by Makinbettachoices.
600 points, ended March 28, 2008, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best prewrite between december 07 and february 08! by danceswsquirrels.
1910 points, ended April 1, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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This is beautiful also i think its fare to say i am a fan i love your poetry. You are very good.
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Beautiful, tender writing, so well deserving of its trophy cupboard. The expressionist qualities in your work repeatedly bear testimony to your magnificent gift as a poet. A true delight to read and experience.
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Well I get a clear impression of first kiss!!!!!! well expressed .
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I decided to post every ones scores so here's yours! based on every ones votes!
2 gold 0 silver 0 bronze 2 hm 2.5
Jessa♥
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3
NUMBER IS FOR ME, NOT A PLACEMENT. -
wow, after i read this i felt like i really had my first kiss! gold
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This is really beautiful, warm water on frozen hands... strong line! Best of luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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I freakin loved the personification here...throughout this poem it was effective and beautiful. I was aroused.
HM -
great write!
honorable mention -
this is pretty gorgeous. i love that you just kissed her to stop her from talking. there is really so much magic that can come from such a little thing as a kiss.
gold. -
The premise and the way this is presented are completely original. It's nice not to have to see what is basically the same idea done over and over.
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I'm lost for words(in a good way), it was the best poem I've read in a while. LOVED IT!!!
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Not only a poem, of course, or a kiss ...
but a wondrous description of awareness in love. Like the seed needs time to sprout and to grow, this poem shows its growth towards wholeness in perspective.
Good luck in the contest!
Myra
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Thank you for your most beautiful write, good luck, Josie
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wow this is such a beautiful poem and the emotions and imagery expressed in this is stunning and left me in awe well done
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this poem is so beautiful. Love is a wonderful thing, as is a kiss shared with one you love. Great write and good luck in the contest
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A most wonderfully deep description of "The Kiss" this was. I loved the entire piece and how it carried me along with that soft breath. Feeling a slight trembling as I awaited the moment. I could feel the love inside growing as time went on. Thank you for sharing with me and best of luck in the contests. Keep writing poet. seamaiden ♥
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finally somthing deep and not cliche these are rare this is so beautifully written i love the whole thing
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sweet and romantic
The transition from third to first person was very smooth, no worries, and the words you used themselves had gentle flow that really conveyed the gentleness of the entire poem. -
Wow...All in one single kiss you say. must be a real beautiful soul of a woman to invoke such treasures with one kiss. the first one yet.
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great
ah the first kiss, what a lovely experience
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Oh wow. I loved your word choice in this one... The words you chose to describe what you did.. were just... amazingly perfect. Amazingly beautiful also...
You did an amazing job on this one... Wow...
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yes it does feel natural well done... I think that you captured the moment of the kiss in its full beauty well done and good luck,,
Simon -
ohhhh I love it so much!!!! Such tenderness and warmth in it! I was swept up in that moment with you.
Such beauty in this! The emotion comes through and takes you with it!
Beautiful!!!!!
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Oh, wow. The word choice was brilliant! I fell immediately in love with this poem because the word choice was so unique, and then I got wrapped up in what you were saying so wonderfully with these words. Oh, well done indeed.
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This is a great use of the prompt! you did an excellent job with this write!! Thanks for sharing.
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Okay, so I am absolutely in love with this poem... it has left this longing feeling deep within my chest, that I usually only get when I see that special someone (unfortunately, he has no idea of how special he is to me) and well... I don't think it's going to go away until I do see him.
Cheers to an awesome write, the compusure and flow is absolutely amazing. I hope to read more soon.
-Liv
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Amazing write
the flow is great it rolls nicely off your tongue
the imagery makes this write like you are there and involed with it
it is wonderful read thank you for sharing and good luck in you contest
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Good luck in the contest. This is a tender, emotionally filled piece, Great Imagery. I loved the idea of the first kiss to one to shut her up lol. Thanks for sharing .
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I liked this poem a lot. Such tender words and meaningful emotions. Well done!!
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Surely this deserves rich rewards in the contest.....if justice has anything to do with it.
An incredible rememberance of those first steps never, regrettably, recovered. Well done.
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yeah u kissed her to make her shut-up luv it! AND now you wish u could do it sum more ah the foibles of a kiss! one kiss recquires two and two recquires oh my it's geometric and ongoing never satisfying/never ending ah love! great poem from the prompt good title(wasn't that a song title or part of a song once?)great first line good ending thanks for sharing regards zaj
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wow it flows and gose together great
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I do like the way the feeling in this grows. The lines
'It was to stop her talking,
that I first pressed my lips to hers.'
made me smile as they seemed so typically male & to admit to it too! lol
'In time it grew into care'
the feeling takes a journey of awareness to final realisation
'In love and in full bloom.'
I like the use of the flower metaphor blossoming from the seed of the first kiss planted.
I wasn't sure about the trembling knee, wrapped in ochre petals, but I loved the rest
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Wow, the imagery of this piece is amazing, beautiful beautiful poem. Best of luck in the contest.
- Jojo x sinnocence -
I love your wording. And I like the soft feel this has to it; the gentle emotion of that first kiss and the gradual realization of how much love, eventually, grew from that kiss.
I think this was well done.
good luck in your contest.
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this was a beautiful sweet write indeed. Lovely!
You've been chosen to be featured as today's poem for the group today's poem this gets you featured for 5 clicks and several comments by group members enjoy!
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i love this poem! its got lots of emotion and you have done an amazing job on the prompt well done and good luck in the contest!
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The shift seemed to fit right in to me actually. Very beautiful write!
love
broken -
this is beautiful, it is full of gentelness, kindness, sweetness and love. the shift from third person to second does feel natural., infact i didnt notice it until iread it for the second time. thank you for sharing such a beautiful write. thank you - eleno
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You have very definitely got something here. I'm not 100% convinced; but it is one of the better poems of today's crop. Good luck in the contest.
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