Years go by before
Our minds reconcile waiting
Under her pressures
Am I just the same?
Reaching out for some kind of
Everlasting gift
Near the apple tree
Our destiny is only
Transcended by needs
To those who wonder
How it all could be mildly
Empty and quiet
Say only what you
Know you mean to justify
Your petty questions
A contest entry
- New Form for Haiku and/or Acrostic Lovers by Poet of Dreams.
525 points, ended March 11, 2008, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn that silver to gold pt 8 by whispernthedark.
400 points, ended September 27, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Bandits United!
Great Senryu Chain and an Acrostic! Very well done and I like the metaphor of not being the sky applied to a person who thinks they are all that and then some.
You are quite talented and I can well understand it being awareded the Silver Trophy: personally, my favorite. Senryus are not the easiest form to accomplish but to also make it an acrostic is fantastic.
Well done, well deserved win.
Luv in Christ, BonnieQ
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Bandits United!
This is a great acrostic which captures so many different nuances of meaning. I loved the title which is full of originality and the way you developed the theme of this poem. Best of luck in the contest and congratulations on the trophy.
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BANDITS UNITED
Very nice acrostic poem that has such lovely meaning within it. Multiple meanings within each line, an excellent poem.
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BANDITS UNITED!!!
Very nice, this combination of Haiku and Acrostic chain. Enjoyed the read.
~Titia~
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Wow!
A haiku train as title acrostic, that is a complex form. I am impressed with its cleverness. Kudos to the poet for attempting this and succeeding at it.
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BANDITS UNITED
What a amazing write, I see your patients and talent shine. Your a great poet LISA
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Bandits United
I love the format,content, and the fact that it rhymed perfectly. It tells a secret story. You do a great of job of conveying this my freind.
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Bandits United!
Very nicely done indeed... I thought the title a very interesting one first off ~ not realising this piece was an acrostic, then of course, when I hit the ANs everything fell into place and I saw the cleverness of it all.
It reads so smoothly and so well I couldn't fault it in any way.
Well done and BRAVO!
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Bandits United!
Hey, haven't spoken to you in a while - I hope all is well in the world of writing this is fabulous - you already know that I think that 
... have a good holiday!
Polly
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Bandits United!
I like the format and the fact that it is an acrostic, cleverly constructed and meaningful. You pack a lot of meaning and thought into this small package, Well Done! Write on my Friend!
You have been Spotlighted by your Poetic Bandit Family today because WE CARE!
Brother Dennis
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Bandits United!
Wow! The haiku in this is great, I didn't notice at first, but when I went back and checked I was amazed. Flawless rhythm, you don't force the lines to make them fit at all!
"Near the apple tree
Our destiny is only
Transcended by needs"
I love the imagery throughout this, and the deep thoughts. This is a beautiful piece, the acrostic just completes this. I am in awe of those who have the patience to stick with form and make it this brilliant.
Well penned,
~lost
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BANDITS UNITED YAY!
Smiling at your cleverness and thinking how splendid this poem is! Fine thoughts and images... Like the "empty and quiet" line and how profound it is.
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Bandits United!
What a brilliant write. I am always in awe of someone who has the patience to use form poetry and do so well.
I love the last line, it is a brilliant end
Shari
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Bandits United!!!
A wonderful acrotic, with great imagery, and vocabulary, it leaves much to ponder on. Great Job!!!
Love & Light
Debbera
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Bandits United!
Beautifully penned ~
I love the acrostic, the message in that blends in with the poem so well
Thought provoking and strong this is a wonderful poem
Congrats on the Silver this has won, and Best of Luck in future Contests
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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BANDITS UNITED!!
well w ritten great rhythm and lots of imagery. leaves much to the mind to think over. thank you for sharing this. keep writing! God bless you always
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Bandits United
Very nice acostic. I like what it spells out. Congratulations to you on your silver trophy. Best of luck to you in your future writes. -
BANDITS UNITED
Great poems leaves with things to think about thanks for sharing congrats on your trophy win be well
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Very nice write. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Deep Pondering!
Your poem most certainly deserved that trophy! The piece leaves one asking many questions. I love the comparison you make to Eve in the garden. I'm confused by the last verse. I question your statement that our destiny is only transcended by our needs. If we let our perceived needs dictate our destiny we're in big trouble. I know from my life's experience! Could you explain this 2nd. to last verse for me please? : To those who wonder
How it all could be mildly
Empty and quiet
This verse should lead the reader into the last one & give a clue as to the outcome of the poem in the final verse. I'm left in a quagmire. Perhaps I'm just too tired now & need to rest. Please RSVP ASAP...this might keep me up tonight trying to ferret this out! :-) Nice job. I do love writes that make me delve....
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First time I have seen this hybrid form, how strange it is! Yet there are strong resonances here, /mildly empty and quiet/ is great, the final stanza - if I said only what I knew I meant, I would be forever silent.
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A fairly decent attempt at the Haikrostic Story, however there are some things I have problems with. Perhaps I am not entirely grasping your haiku, but they do not appear to tell the story of "You Are Not The Sky", although perhaps I must read into your words more.
Also, the lines of a haiku are meant to be mutually exclusive from one another, preventing you from running on, as you have done in several places (for example: how it all could be mildly empty and quiet).
But, nevertheless, a good try and this interesting (and new!) poetic style.
Tiger
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