Telephones ring like birds swooping after tossed bread as
girls flock to pink pockets and gasp for air.
Mouths babble like the first day home from preschool.
"Tommysaidsammysawsarahtryingtotelltaraaboutashleyalways..."
Blowing raspberries while providing the weather.
Boys thump their chest, and flip preppy collars,
while performing a mating dance for the girls nearby,
who stick to the bench like the gum beneath it.
They coo and ruffle their feathers waiting for the next crumb
to fall, but they migrate to the bathroom first.
Hoards of HorMOANS gather to shit in urinals-
and piss in sinks while washing their hands.
The girls stuff cherry bras while attempting to stain
their underwear with ketchup packets.
It's time for them to nestle.
The balloon man arrives to give each girl a latex balloon,
and each boy a needle-
Curiosity and pressure starts to mount...
but it is not spring, and then the phone rings.
It's time to go home, bedtime is still at nine.
Author notes
Balloon referance from E E Cummings, "In Just"
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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e.e. cumming is my favorite poet of all time. [ he doesn't capitalize his name by the way ]
and i hadn't read anything by you in awhile, and i am pleased that i chose this one. this is so well written and the underlying tones and imagery. i love this so much, just like i have all your works.
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You do have your own style ...
as I remember ...
And you truly write in clear and verifiable (!) pictures
Some words which I do not care for, cannot be said otherwise, I am afraid, for it just IS as it is ... boy talk of course. 
Now: how good it is to read all the voices on this website ... and yours is outstanding.
Love
Myra
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wow.... probably a reason malls aren't my dad's favorite places...
'"Tommysaidsammysawsarahtryingtotelltaraaboutashleyalways..."'
that REALLY cracked me up because it is SOOO true... haha
great description...
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This was a fantastic write. Powerful imagery in this. Seemed to describe the life at the mall well. One of the best things about summer. Whenever I have time in the day, I like to get out to the mall just to walk around. Sometimes I'll shop, but usually I just wander around and browse. Keep that pen flowing.
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Wow.. that was great! Absolutely brilliant read
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Wow...wow...I'm in shock. I really like this. The imagery is brilliant. I'm still recovering from how well it was written. Its completely different from what I have ever read.
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This is actually quite good. I remember the mall days and this was about what it was like. I do agree it could be tweaked a bit; but overall read nicely. It was a pleasure to meet your work here...
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I like that. You hit the nail on the head brother. It's well written and left me with a good chuckle. Happy trails
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yeah ithink that paints a pretty accurate picture. no wonder i avoided hanging out at the mall.
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Astute portrayal of adolescence
Well done in images and developmental sign posts of growing up.
Tecohe -
This is excellent; descriptive and full of vivid imagery. I love the picture that this conjures up in the head! Wonderful work!
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I really like these observations here, very precise and detailed. One or two lines could be tighter though, like "as if they were performing a mating dance for the girls nearby" to "like a mating dance for the girls, who stick..." I know the boys are performing, and the girls are nearby, because of the setup in your other lines. Good stuff, but tweak it some more, I think.
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thanks for the suggestion.....that does seem like it would work better, I probably will edit that soon.
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This definitely put a picture in my head...I like how you worded this...and I'm happy to see your writing again my dear!
"Boys thump their chest, and flip preppy collars,
as if they were performing a mating dance for the girls nearby,
who stick to the bench like the gum beneath it."
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