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Simplement, je vous manque




 

Do you see the rain?  Falling -

from my eyes,

gateways to the soul.

Saccharine sorrows, welling -

from deep within.

Wounds without remorse,

anguished heartbeat

in tune with yours


(neuf-mille kilomètres de distance)


Votre sourire me manque.

Votre haleine me manque.

Votre contact me manque.

Vos lèvres me manquent.


Simplement, vous me manquez.





Author notes

Translation:

(nine thousand kilometres away)

I miss your smile.
I miss your breath.
I miss your touch.
I miss your lips.

Simply, I miss you.

Another background by moi - I'm getting good at this.

Option trois.

In a list

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Valerien Raven
    March 6

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    A very lovely poem.

    I love the french within the poem [I love france so like...anything french is like...uber cool] .

    Well done! Loved it all, especially the french xDD.

    10/10.


  • after-silence
    August 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful and the simplicity makes it even more lovely. I very much enjoyed both the English and French parts of the poem. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the title should be "Simplement, vous me manquez" just like the last line of the poem, unless you wanted to have the title say "Simply, you miss me." In any case, wonderful write! I love the line "Saccharine sorrows, welling -"; this is just so beautiful.


  • zstarz
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Simplicity is virtue!
    You have a strong beginning
    With exceptional vocabulary!!
    It’s a developing story for ones mind
    I believe you were far from your loved one when you wrote this poem because you can almost feel the emotion.
    You have merged together two great languages
    That one of English as well as French
    Both are very simple words yet
    as I stated your simplicity is excellent

    congrats!
    psgreat background! love it!


  • Axelle Black
    March 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    When you say "je manque..." and "je vous manque" it means the opposite of what you intend. "Je vous manque" means "you miss me", while I think you want to say I miss you. If you want to make it correct it should say "votre sourire me manque, votre haleine me manque, votre contact me manque, vos lèvres me manquent... vous me manquez". Otherwise this is very good.


    • volcaniclastic
      March 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Sorry, my french is rusty - I fixed it. I don't understand how I was wrong though. To miss - it's a verb, therefore using standard verb conjugatives (whatever that word is) should it not be "Je manque..."

      Because I miss...

      to me, votre sourire me manque reads as 'your smile, I miss'

      which isn't what I intended on saying at all.

      Is there some grammatical lesson I'm missing here?

      • Axelle Black
        March 3, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        Hmmm I know it's confusing, even for me and my mother tongue is French. When you say "je manque", yes it means "I miss". But it depends in which context. When you say "je vous manque" it means "I miss to you" or "you miss me" if you want to translate it in better terms. I honestly don't know how to explain the reason it's that way. The French language is kind of chaotic. Anywho, don't mind me. Most people on here would've understood what you meant.

1 - 6 of 6