Your love taunts me
As for when I look into your eyes
I don’t see just you and me
You say,
Oh baby trust me
I promise it’s not going to be
The way it used to be
But you know
The past never repeats
That means you can never change
The way things really used to be
Its left sealed
Scarred upon my heart
Is memories
Baby, remember the night I called
And you were already asleep
You sensed that I was unhappy
You said baby are you ok
And I said yes, sarcastically
You should have known
Known I wasn’t feeling well
As you said baby am tired I want to sleep
I was counting on you
You were the last one
That I could have turned to
And you left me
To wipe my own tears
To cry myself to sleep at night
You see all this
This was nothing
But encouragement
Brought negatively upon me
Remember when I said mommy was right
Those words she spoke were true
That, that was the real me, revealed
Whore, slut, skank, good for nothing
You’re going to end up alone, cold
Pregnant on the streets
The only thing she had missed was
You fucking hypocritical cheat
I took those words to heart
And it then became me
All I wanted was love
And when you weren’t able to give
A minute of your time to me
It crushed, burned, deserted me
You see at the time
Baby, I was in love with you
But you, you never really loved me
My heart was mourning for your love
And you saw right past me
As I needed your love
Your strength, desperately
You did the opposite of what I needed
And you weakened me
Already badly influenced
Alone with no one to love me
I was desperate
And all the wrong types were after me
You see, I was greedy, in need
Greedy for someone to love me
I fell right for him
And he knew I was weak
And he took advantage and used me
Playing with my body, touching me
Letting him constantly abuse me, being greedy
Letting him touch your property
After feeling guilty
Ashamed
Behavior hard to explain
And every minute of it
My conscience screamed of your name
Knowing it already happened
So I continued
Hoping it will turn out to be you
In denial
Knowing it will be the biggest regret of my life
Reminiscing of all the words I’ve spoken
I call myself hypocrite
For going against my word
And this is why
Every night before I sleep
As I think of how much I love you
And how much you love me, now
It taunts me
Thinking I was always faithful and true
Of all the things I’ve hidden from you
Never having anymore sweet dreams
And this is why tonight
Just like every other night as I think of you
I will have a reason to cry myself to sleep.
Author notes
ForeverLastingComa
A contest entry
- BEST OF THE BEST by Breaking Inside.
400 points, ended March 19, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sorrow and Pain by boydamaged.
550 points, ended March 29, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - your favorite prewriite or a fesh write by serenity silvermoon.
600 points, ended March 31, 2008, 45 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LONG POEMS ONLY by Darc Soul.
600 points, ended May 27, 2008, 40 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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omg
im in luv w/ this
itz TRULY AMAZING!
great work love!
i felt the pain. sorrow. disappointment. and regret
this a very strong write
gud luck hun!
~Leyla~
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I've already commented on this poem, very well done
-GL in contest -
This is really good.
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i really liked the poem
take care -
This poem goes really, really, deep.
and I like that
Relationships are difficult and painful at times.
Love hurts, it happens. The best thing to do is make wise descisions and don't rush into anything. Like that other love that you fell for and felt used by.
The structure of the poem:
It flows evenly and keeps attentive intrest. Full of emotion and lots of feeling.
All in all nice write!
-GL in contest -
thank you for your entry. There was a lot of sadness and emotion within these lines and you had the courage to share it with the reader. nice job.
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Very nice!This was a very well written piece! Good luck in my contest!
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wow this is a lovely poem and sad that it happened to you hopefully you will be able to survive your life with a love like this. you are a great writer showing emotion in your words without needing to explain. Nice job and good luck in the contest.
Marin -
It's why Karl and I could never date again although I love him still, I couldn't be with him as he would be the same and I don't think I can handle stoping him from beating up any guy who goes near me.
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hey this is Dani...the judge of the contest. just to let you know that i do not know who you are...so if you know me please don't be upset if i leave you a comment that does not make you smile. it's just i'm judging this contest and i wanna be able to seek out the good and get rid of the bad. i can relate to this. although i didn't read all of it i really can relate to half...lol...i just gotta go so i thought i leave my comment now. good job and i'll come back to read the rest tomorrow.
~Dani~ -
Thank you. I really enjoyed reading this, you have alot of talent, and the imagery and feeling you put into this is amazing. I loved it again thank you, and good luck.
Stormy
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I really love this poem, but sweetie you did not read all the rules to my contest. I do not like any harsh language. sorry for deleting your poem but I'm trying to be a fair judge and you already have won silver and this is not fair to the other hm winners in this contest.
However. If I may comment on the emotion behind the poem, I would like to say that I totally understand the reason behind this all. When a girl feels left out of the life of their partner we tend to "wander" an the guilt consumes us as they just add the blame on us...
You would NEVER have hurted him if he truely were there for you. hope that your wounds will heal soon darling.
All the best in the other contest! this is a stunning poem!!!
Becks
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I hope that this girl, as she gets older, learns to embrace herself and not let the abusive words she was raised with influence her actions. This is a scenario played out all over the world. Nice write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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Well....I gave up the first time I tried to read it all the way through. Then I tried again and still couldn't manage it. Then I tried again and succeeded. Man, 102 lines? That's crazy! However, after forcing myself to pay attention long enough to read it I actually enjoyed it. Thank you for entering.
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hehe..thank you for reading it =/ glad that when you did read it you actually liked it =)
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Wow this one was something !!!!
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good
its good and sad i liked it
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wow...amazing
i dont usually like long poems because i get bored really easily, but this poem...it...its hard to explain but it...made me read everything...like...i focused and i really wanted to read it... im almost never like that...
amazing write... -
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same here i never really like long writes or reading them but somehow mines always turns that way =)
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oh this is so sad. everyone makes mistakes though and i hope you feel better about yourself now. thankyou so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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Oh WoW this is so sad,
with all the hurting and pain,
the cheating and what not, going on.
Who really needs a relationship likw this,
best just to move on. Way too much
drama. I say, put an end to it and go and find some peace.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
good luck in my contest. -
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me and my bf love eachother to much..at the time we were going through a lot..and he understands why i did what i did..i hurt him a lot..i guess i didn't realize how much he did love me..we have been together since sep 23 of 2005 and we did a lot of things and hurt eachother many times..but never nothing serious..this was the only serious thing that has ever happened that caused anything..but because of this we learned a lot more of eachother..actually, i am happy we didn't break up, we learned so much more of eachother..sure there was a lot going on..but luckily i found someone that keeps his promise and works through everything with me..i learned my lesson and so did he..so breaking up isn't the right thing to do..well atleast in this case..thanks for the comment anyhow
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Interesting and beautiful write. It definitely brings one into the circumstances which is nice. Thank you for the entry.
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This is very nice and evidently well read. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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This has a lot of confused emotions and you changed your mind a lot, I didn't understand it at times and you repeated the same thoughts over and over again till I just couldn't take it anymore. I got really bored with this poem. I could probably take any part of this poem and specify that is what you should fix, but here is the part that i thought could use the most improvement.
"You see at the time
Baby, I was in love with you
But you, you never really loved me
My heart was mourning for your love
And you saw right past me
As I needed your love
Your strength, desperately
You did the opposite of what I needed
And you weakened me"
This could be consalidated into a short piece but you kept dragging it on and on.
Also:
"As for when I look into your eyes
I don’t see just you and me"
Was very bumpy and has no flow, i have heard this line so many times anyway, but you killed it.
I am not saying these things to be mean, but to help you understand what you can improve on. -
The piece lacks interest and originality. The length of it doesn't help that at all.
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So sad that one sould do this...but very beautiful. No rhyme scheme but beautiful none the less
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o my gosh this poem just touched me more then you know this is like a mirror image of me and my boyfriend wow but he had cheated on my once in the past i think that is part of it wanting to get back at him but i know deep down 2 wrongs dont make a right
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thats wat made me want 2 kind of do it 2 b/c he had cheated on me a long time ago n i didnt really trust him n he cheated on me like early in our relationship which was a long ass time ago like around december of 05 n i cheated on him around june of 06..my bf had moved bak 2 trinidad cuz of personal issues n we were away from eachother 4 a yr so i kinda didnt really trust him cuz like everytime i called him he was always busy or somthing..n i was getin really hurt cuz 4 a whole 2 months he wasnt there 4 me..n i really missed him..he was always busy man..n there was this guy who i liked a whole lot a long time ago..n he liked me n he used me..n he knew iwas wit my bf n he still did dat cuz he knew i was mad weak..n the sad part is i didnt tell my bf till recently n now were actually serious..n i hurt him really badly..i even made him cry cuz we bin thru like do much 2gether 2 n a half yrs n more n we knew eachother b4..so i really hurted him..dont do nutin u wud regret him..if ur bf is anything like mine..cuz i kno it takes a long time 2 love som1 n u wudnt wana waste 2 n a half yrs..so think b4 u act n kno wat ur doin..dont do wat i did n maka mistake if the other guys wat u want..hey do wat u want..but if u really love ur bf now..ddiscuss things wif him..n try 2 work things out
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THANKS A LOT!! glad i had someone to talk to !
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OUTSTANDING!!!!
I totally loved it!! And it is scary how much I can relate to this piece but instead of cheating I did something else I promised him [my bf] I wouldn't do. My mother has said those things to me and more and there was one night that my bf said the excat same thing that you wrote about and I did something stupid and really hurt him. We are over it now and still going strong but it was like you were there and wrote about it.
Crazy... lol
Anyway, great job and keep writing. Thanks for entering.
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Aww... this is sad. I really can feel the emotion in this piece!
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I liked this was a nice write Good luck with it in the contest i hope you get lots of votes Cara <.>
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I liked this. it was easy to read and was very strong! lol. good luck on the contest~ ~
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This is a very long write but full of emotion. Good luck in the contest.
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Part confession, part regret... all honest. Very powerful and sadly beautiful.
Ken
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thank u =)
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this is very long, lol.
but its a terrific write and very emotional
well done, and good luck in this contest. -
wow this is a mind blowing and heartrenching piece! i loved the emotion! congradulations on the amazing poem, i loved every minute of it.
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This breaks my heart to read... he obviously didn't show you enough attention and he didn't give you what you needed when you needed it. No, people can't change, or at least not just like that, it takes time for someones ways to change and it takes a big realisation to trigger it. I am sorry you feel this way, wouldn't wish it on anyone, as I've been there.
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You see, I was greedy, in need
Greedy for someone to love me
I fell right for him
And he knew I was weak
And he took advantage and used me
Playing with my body, touching me
Letting him constantly abuse me, being greedy
Letting him touch your property
After feeling guilty
Awwwwwwwwww Leesh =[
Well gud job...told u i'd read it sometime.Lolz
U did gud.Really.I felt it u kno?
clap clap clap!!! -
Hey thats some really deep stuff, as i know who this is about, but yea i know what its like to have guilt for things that u cud have never told ur lover. For if only said out loud, u wud think it wud end everything that was. You should not believe the words that people call you...Even if u are that way urself, have the courage to change ur self, dont make urself that low...and be the best u that u can be. Dont act upon emotions, be strong and learn to control hunger, and emotions for false attraction, or temporary love. That is an act of temptation. It will never last, and at the end of the day, u are the only one thats going to be bruised, with a heart full of regret. And if not u, i wud know more than anything how that feels like. Sometimes the truth sets you free, thats all u have to do. And i know that by doing that it might end up in something that u wud not like, But dont ever lie to urself.
Another thing, sometimes people dont always know how u are feeling, and the only way they can know is if u tell them. Maybe D did not know how u were feeling that night when u called him. I know u might be saying whats the excuse of him not to know what u were feeling, because u two know each other for so long and can practically read each others mind at times, and know what the other is feeling. But its not always like that, sometimes u have to speak ur mind, and not be sarcastic about the situation. More so, i had to take a while to learn something, and im going to tell u what that is. Never expect too much or anything at all from anyone. When u heart starts expecting u already know that when the outcome is unlikely, u will be hurt.
<3stacy...HOPE U FEEL BETTER.=)
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nh that nite he new i wasnt ok i was like cryin n stuff n he nerd my voice n he was like babe y u cryin r u ok n i was like yea..n that night it was like around 11 in da nite wen i called n he had 2 go 2 work 4 5 in da mornin n i understand he wanted 2 sleep cuz like in any other bases i wud always b like babe go sleep u kno cuz i kno he wud wana sleep n stuff but that wholeMONTH HE WAS GIVIN ME ALL DESE XCUSES n even b4 dat n while he didnt have time 4 me n always pretendin all kina crap i was falling 4 u kno who..thats like the bigest regret of my life n i stil have yet 2 tell him the truth..n i feel bad guilty..even more now that it was like so long ago..n i wana tel him..but am afriad that now that he finally started 2 open up 2 me n stuff dat he wudnt want 2 anymore after...so yea..i kno he'd 4give me but its the whole trust thing that bothers me..ugh
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Naa, not exactly, i am not sure of who u are talking about. Is it Chris, or that guy whats his name that u kissed on the bus?
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i neva did nutin wid chris?..da dude on da bus..but w/e..i told him everything last nite i cudnt bare holdin this 2 myself any longer i wanted him 2 kno the truth..n the whole truth that no1 knew..n i told him yesterday...i really hurted him..i feel horrible even now..u 4gave as i knew he wud..but i cud neva 4give myself 4 sucha thing..am tired of hurtin ppl i love..n i lost his trust that took so long 4 us 2 gain..but u kno am still hapy that i got this of my chest cuz its like i really plan on bein wif him u kno..4 like 4eva..we bin thru like so much 2gether n id intend on givin dat up..wen no1 was there 4 me he was..yesterday i got caught by mom n dem on da phone...n he totally coverd 4 me..he called keryyann n told her 2 cal me n w/e so it was like i was tlkin 2 her instead.. things r really diferent wid us..n he 4gaveme n he was really hurt..the kinda things he told me yesterday was crazy n it made me realize how much he really does love me..i had 2 tell him..n i did..i cudnt keep it from him so i did
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Wow, this...is unlike all your other works. It really made me feel something more.
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something more?..i wasnt really tryin on this 1 it was jus a diary entry..kinda
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