Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

past tense

words cannot force
themselves to feel;


the semi colon,

and all other punctuations,
sits beneath a diaphragm
that cannot breathe

in or out...

writing cope [ious] notes

and nodding,

she denied herself

the room to feel

 

you are  past tense now...

they say:

"he was a lovely boy"

 

 the rest has only just begun

to echo...

 

i cannot write you...

 

not your pain,

or my sorrow

which is a sham

in comparison

 

 

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • vieve gold member
    February 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Stunning.

    The short lines are like shallow breaths,
    conveying the inability to breathe deeply, to take it all in.

    Powerful, excellent write.

  • tara wilson gold member
    February 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ooohhh...

    *sigh*



  • philosphyofkate
    February 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    after i died and they brought me back i would pretend to be asleep and people in the room would talk about me in past tense. i never could decide if that was a good thing or not. just surreal. it is one of those times when all feeling feel "not enough" as if it were something too big to be grasped.


  • Zayra Yves
    February 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have been holding my breath for a long time Elaine. This poem reminds me of how deeply we can suck in our wounds and it is a wonder we even walk after the bones are filled. Another brilliant piece from you.


  • liltandrhyme silver member
    February 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an intense, obviously personal, piece. But also universal in the chords it strikes in most who will read it.

    The stark 'I cannot write you' tears at the heartstrings. The inadequacy of words, language, punctuation to convey these feelings is powerfully portrayed here.

    I'm guessing that everyone who read this was given pause to examine the function that is breathing, and possibly understand better that suffocating sensation they might have once felt also.

    Powerful and painful write.

    PJ


  • lisargh
    February 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    BABE, what you have penned here is just amazing, you caught it all, you are an amazing poet!
    Today, I allowed myself to breathe in and out and I understood why for so long, I held my breath x
    love you so much xxxx


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    February 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply




  • Namita
    February 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "i cannot write you...

    not your pain,
    or my sorrow
    which is a sham
    in comparison"

    WOW, Elaine... beautiful. This is so very powerful; hits hard. Yep, the weight of words... amazing, as always

    - namita


  • NurseChilly gold member
    February 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ohh golly ... a bad day huh?? damn Elaine... this one strikes home hard...

    you are such a beuatiful compassionate woman. whose work is of great need and importance for those you touch

    I am honoured in the fact I can call you a friend... and I know we missed the boat with half term but we must meet up soon for clinks of gin and smiles and


  • transcendental baby gold member
    February 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There's no way you can write the personal as it's lived and felt. It's like trying to capture the depth of the Grand Canyon on film. But you can make it felt to your reader by invoking what those words mean to them in their own experience ... and that can be powerful stuff


  • Nicolette gold member
    February 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Yes...the weight is on us, not on words...Extremely moving and beautiful, Elaine.



    ~ Nicolette


  • Suzanne Dia silver member
    February 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    February 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    February 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my, dearest poetess I felt the weight of these words, of trying to frame pain and compartmentalize what should not have happened and isolate emotion, make a tidy corner to corner picture perfect page when how can it be when hope as gone,indeed it's the past tense of he was that cuts like a knife.
    Heart-hugs
    love and light
    Yvette


  • Allyce May
    February 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this! It is brimming with so many things I am passionate about. The semi colon, the word copious, the pain of past tense (not that I am passionate about that, but I am feeling it). The whole idea of it is brilliant. Words are such a powerful thing - as you have displayed - but sometimes no amount of punctuation can do a feeling justice.

    FANTABULOUS!

1 - 16 of 16