~.~
It all embarked in an accidental look
at the monument I promptly admire;
An elegant dame framed to be gazed at
intimately, enthralling like a queen of my Utopia.
The birth of a phoenix within her figure
made her beauty illuminate the apathy,
the beauty that could write my death
from an immortal touch of her grace.
Peace can't compete with her entity
nor eliminate her delicate facade.
If only a thief took her heart for blackmail,
I'd pay my dignity to own that leverage.
The hope inward floating in the empyrean
where a cliché fairy tale hunting reality
made my life an epic of aplenty deception:
lingering, adrift in a parallel era.
~.~
Author notes
it is a hissless hymn: a poem with no 'S'.
hmm, was inspired by the song 'Tequila Moonlight' by Self Against City n.n
(anyway, i'm sleepy so hope you guys like this and all ^^) sorry was sleepy that i forgot to put my AP name *sweat drops* anyway, here it is:
PatheticKt
thanks for reading =]
In a list
A contest entry
- Ever heard of hissless hymns?! by SilverInk.
600 points, ended February 29, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Part I of Friday's 5 Part Series by Exodus.
525 points, ended February 27, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites. those not on my favourites list please. by Ryno.
300 points, ended March 9, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think will make this poem better
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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greaT!!! wow!!! this is a very good poem and i like it very much! really abstract. really moving and interesting. best of luck in the contest!!!!!!!
SilverWolf
HOOOOWLL
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wow.. this is pretty good.... I love it!
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I like the way you went about with your language in this piece thanks for entering
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I loved what some of the abstract images did for the poem and the emotion that you were aiming for. I, however, feel the write can use some renovation.
You may want to forget the four line stanzas... it seems too bland and boring. I think this piece would go really nicely if it were to be line breaked for emphasis on certain points.
Other then that, I feel you've penned something here, defiantly should work at it and very well written
Thanks for the entry!
Ryan
PS: I've grown an intolerance for that overused background 0_o -
Wonderful....
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Wow i cant beleave how good this poem ia you are really really good nice work ^_^
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this is beautiful
If only a thief took her heart for blackmail,
I'd pay my dignity to own that leverage.
i really love these lines
the whole thing is really well written
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nice
well written my favorite line that stood out to me was....
===Peace can't compete with her entity
nor eliminate her delicate facade.====
Keep on penning on!
Creatress
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This is really interesting. I've never heard of such a form but you wrote it beautifully. If I hadn't read the authors notes I wouldn't have thought there were any restrictions on this at all. Wonderful work.
Thank you -
I really like this poem... congratulations on sounding so wonderfully together without using any 's's the only thing that I would think about changing (and this is probably just my preferences) is that in the second stanza you have the word 'beauty' twice - I would perhaps change that... but this poem is breathtaking either way good luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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Could you put your AP name in author's notes? Thanks ahead of time!
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Niiiiiice, this is really good! It's wordy, but not the useless wordiness that people use to try to make their poetry sound 'smart', your words actually make sense! Haha, excellent write, I thoroughly enjoyed this and I'm amazed at how well you did without using the 's' at all. Wonderful! Good luck in the contest!
Might I add, that for being 14 you far surpassed my expectations so that's excellent as well!
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