Your touch the scalding catalyst
igniting gooseflesh on my arms.
Your invasion, dark intruder,
overriding my alarms.
Inhaling of your essence
leaves me strangely short of breath,
Regardless how deep you cut me,
I've never felt so far from death.
The attention that you feed me
just leaves me craving more of you,
and though we're far from wealthy
I've never felt this well-to-do.
The road behind is paved with pain,
but I never walked alone.
With you, my traveling partner,
I've never felt so much at home.
A contest entry
- OOooo la love by Flight of Dragons.
600 points, ended February 29, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My love's birthday by Meroza.
425 points, ended March 27, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Beautiful! Wonderful rhyme and imagery.
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kool this is awesome i really like this
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Judging:
- Title: The title do fit considering what Paradox means.
- Is it what I am looking for? No, I am afraid not.
- Emotions: Way too dark for a love poem.
- Wowness: Poor.
- Final word: I asked for a love poem for a birthday presant, and I do not think this poem fits, but that is what I think, everyone thinks difrently. Yet the poem was fantastic, it just lacked some care and love.
Good write -
This poem is amazing, a bit dark tho.
Nice job -
This is some thing to read to give me hope. sweet read and sweet word use.
thank you for the comment, it is interesting to hear from another point of veiw.
KNIGHT TIME -
Interesting poem, some surprises through out. I always enjoy reading new stuff - thanks for sharing
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I love it!! What stunning and clever language you've used, it's very effective. You've got an irresistable rhyme scheme there, and every stanza relates exactly to how everyone has felt, at one point. And yet at the same time, it is - I agree completely with Elenaliz - the exact opposite of a cliche, and to write about such a universal experience in a non-cliched way is a very fine skill. Nothing short of perfect.
My favourite lines: "just leaves me craving more of you,
and though we're far from wealthy
I've never felt this well-to-do."
sweet, sentimental and proof that love can overcome all obstacles.
Well done!
God bless,
ELW x
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this is great.so sweet .i really dont think you need to change anything,its perfect to me.beautifully written.i think every line is so good.when i read them they actually suprised me.this is so far from cliche.
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Dark, erotic, emotional
Couldn't resist commenting on this. This is a style and language I wish I could master. Subtle in it sensuality and sinfulness. Sweet satiation
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Mmm
This is so bittersweet!
I loved the ease and flow of your words, how it all sort of blended together.
What I liked most of all, though, was the delicious clash of love and wishing love gone.
Excelent write!
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AAhhhh!
Wow this is so good! your have ryhme and I like your feeling coming forward. Oh and thanks for entering the contest
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Excellent
This is perfect in it's flow and so easily read!
I really liked the last two stanzas!
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Nice...I like how you talk about how he is bad for you but you just can't resist him. It's like his love is deadly but sweet perfection all at one. I like it a lot. I like to purple flower background too! (okay...so I commented while you were logged in, but this is from me!)
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Nice...I like how you talk about how he is bad for you but you just can't resist him. It's like his love is deadly but sweet perfection all at one. I like it a lot. I like to purple flower background too!
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