Last night
was not that different;
I heard rain
drawing trails on the window
and a far off train
tracking down the station.
(I dwindled into dreamscapes)
Then,
you turned
and put your music on.
Author notes
My boyfriend snores. On top of that, my muse hates me and this is the only thing that came out - lol
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Lol... sorry, leander... I understand the frustration of sleeping with a snorer, though I'm fortunate that I don't have that problem. But this is a very amusing poem
And a good one, too.
Dee
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I have to admit Lee that your final stanza/lines made me chuckle but also made me smile with a sigh. I know that proably sounds strange but it's the truth.....lol
Thank you for entering
and best of luck to you in the contest!
Blessings
Bel
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i know what this feels like lol oh for a peaceful night's sleep lmao. its funny though 'cause i'd miss it if the snoring was not there.
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Of all the writes I've seen and read from you, this is one that I remember very much and fondly might I add. But nevertheless, the comparisons you used really draws in the reader
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I do believe i like this. It gave a beautiful picture. The words you chose made this piece flow together quite well. Nice work.
pixie -
This has very ggod contrast in such a short poem. good work!!
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lol... I thought that this was about something totally different... and then I read your author's notes. hehe thats funny, I thought it was some kind of love poem.
Thank you for entering and participating in my contest and good luck,
~luminesence -
well I thought of my boyfriends snoring as soothing and how I wish I could hear it once again, crazy I know but I love your poem.
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I love this, it paints a picture
of a complacency and loneliness
Great work!
~Pastel
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your b/f needs to stop snoring
I like this...actually i love it
and...
Stop Snoring for Only £49.99
SnoreMender - designed by dentists, recommended by doctors. Guaranteed!
www.SnoreMenders.co.uk -
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lol
Well, my boyfriend has tried different things already.
snoreeze (some kind of anti-snorespray). They come in two types: for the 'nose-snorer' and the 'mouth-snorer'. Jovy tried both - didn't help.
He's allergic to some things so maybe it could have been from that as well - He stuffed hisself with anti-allergy pills but didn't help as well.
In October last year he had a nose surgery. The doctor said that if they took away part of his slime-producers in there (however you say that in English) the snoring would minimize or go away -> as you notice: it didn't help either
so yeah, I'm not sure if I believe in any anti-snore campaign ever again
Thank you for commenting
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Bravo!
I prefer this without your notes...these are wonderful images...quietly listening to the rain...the train in the distance...dreams and day dreams intertwined...and then it is discovered that you are not alone...how wonderful. The whole moment is conveyed with simple concise expression.
'Then,
you turned
and put your music on.'
Wonderful! Jane
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Nice
I like the economy of this one. You get the image of rain making tracks followed by the image of trains running on tracks.
Dwindled into dreamscapes has a lovely sound, but it's a little vague-- I think I'd like an image here. I also think you might be able to get rid of the then--I think the reader would still get a sense of time. (just a suggestion). Thanks for the read. Look forward to hearing more from you.
-k -
Well, though your muse may hate you--this was actually very beautiful. I snore. I admit, it's bad, but I can't help it. I don't think your bf can either. Lovely poem.
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Maybe think of the snoring in that same sense as the soothing noises around you? No, I suppose not.
It kind of ruins the contemplation doesn't it. Separate rooms?
I'm of no help at all. But your poem is good.
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Good poem thanks for the entry
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I'm pretty sure every poem I've read of yours is somehow about that boyfriend of yours snoring. Poor, poor, Leander. I hope you get to sleep sometime!
Oh yeah, and nice poem!
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I think I just fell in love with the imagery you show with your last lines in this poem.
Are we allowed to fall in love with words? Yeah we are
Simply lovely, wonderful metaphor!!!
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So creative as always...
I love the ending...
Beautifully done!
Lynda
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if i would write a poem inspired by snoring there would be a lot of swear words
when the words have trouble getting themselves onto paper it's frustrating. i know
i like the simplicity of this
how often are we satisfied with what we write? i know i'm not but others seem to appreciate it
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Actually, I get those swearwords out
I'm never satisfied with what I write by the way - LOL, but most do appreciate it as well
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Finally! Something new!
This is great. A moment in your life described poeticly the way only you can. I loved the "I dwindled into dreamscapes" especially and the music=snoring cracked me up.
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Thank you
I'm not happy at all with this one though (typically me)
It's not... 'complex' enough if you know what I mean
Thankies for reading, the wonderful comment and off course, for the clappy mister dudes
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Even before i got to the author's notes i knew what the music was all about. But i must say, if only more people could make poetry or be inspired to write poetry like this based on snoring, the world would be a very poetic place!! I think you have a very nice series of snoring poems by now, my friend. Loved this!!
~ Nicolette
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lol
Thank you my beautiful friend
I'm a bit angry with him though - lol I wrote him something for Valentine like each year, and he didn't even read it 
I honestly had to keep myself from bruising him last night
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