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Two Flowers

two flowers
wrapped in black -
winter funeral

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Noir mariposa...x gold member
    July 22, 2008

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    Aww this is so sad
    I don't usually feel an emotional connection to haiku but I'll take this as an exception ^^

    Nicely written
    thanks for sharing!
    Claire x


  • Pollycheck
    March 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my haiku contest.

    two flowers
    wrapped in black -
    winter funeral

    This is very well written. I am glad to see that you took Sandal's advice and revised your haiku.


  • emowolf1
    March 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful; you have a way with Haiku


    • ukelova
      March 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      Thanks for reading my haiku and for your compliments.


  • Sandal
    March 3, 2008

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    "dressed in black" is a little metaphoric for haiku, in my opinion. What about "blackened flowers", which could easily happen in the frost? The last line is a great ah-ha, which sends one back to the first line, maybe the flowers are not flowers after all. Interesting haiku!

    • ukelova
      March 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      metaphoric

      Yes, of course you are right! It may be too metaphorical for a pure haiku. but maybe it's ok for this black haiku?

      Have you ever seen flowers wrapped in black paper? Sould I put that bit into the haiku?

      Hve a gr8 day,
      BJ.




      • Sandal
        March 3, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I think "wrapped" is much, much better! That removes the personification, but leaves the metaphor.


  • Lyndon gold member
    March 1, 2008

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    I sense a metaphor

    Beautifully executed poem. This poem could find a space on a page in any anthology. Thank you.
    Lyndon of the Winklings.


  • Melodies
    February 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think I might weep from the beauty of this dear haiku that might be a description of a grave site with dead flowers. Your talent has surrounded me.

    • ukelova
      February 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      dead

      Thank you very much. It's nice to think that this poem can be appreciated, as i never know what may work or not. I'm grateful to learn that it moved you.

      have a gr8 day,
      BJ.




  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
    February 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Gosh wow , you said so much in seven words, just wow.
    Brilliant


    Cindy


    • ukelova
      February 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      7

      thanks Cindy - glad to know you liked it.

1 - 12 of 12