Empires built, only to crumble;
Ashen-ed dreams forever tattooed on a scarred memory.
Broken sleep, with hope of a quick dawn.
Don't know how you will make it;
But don't give up hope tonight.
Baby you're always running scared;
Baby we see your self destructive ways;
Baby don't forget to look around;
Plant your feet...
Baby you don't need to be alone to survive.
Judgements harsh; made over stories only part known;
Eyes dropped so not to see the pain;
Of a place not kind to her heart.
Eyes sunken, soulless, lost and withdrawn;
But don't give in to all tonight...
Baby you're always running scared;
Baby we see your self destructive ways;
Baby don't forget all those who found,
Your beauty and stayed...
Baby you don't need to be alone to survive.
And as the wind muffles the sound of pounding thoughts;
There were people waiting for you, to tell you they cared;
But you didn't stay long enough to let them in...
Baby you're always running scared;
(So don't give up hope tonight)
Baby we see your self destructive ways;
(You're still here)
Baby don't forget to look around;
(Please don't give up tonight)
Smell the roses...
(You're still here)
Baby you don't need to be alone to survive...
Baby you don't need to be alone to survive...
Baby you don't need to be alone to survive...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Revealing the depth of the life through the poetic rythem is a skill of the poet's heart..and here we can see that heart..wonderful write indeed..
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great
loved it -
Nice. I can definitely hear this as a song. I liked the lines of the 4th stanza as well. Very creative.
Thanks for sharing
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What I liked:
Baby you're always running scared;
Baby we see your self destructive ways;
Baby don't forget all those who found,
Your beauty and stayed...
Baby you don't need to be alone to survive.
The part is emotionally stirring and is relatable. It reminds me of someone close to me.
My only real critique qould be the repetition of the word 'baby' but that is just a personal preference.
Good words. Very lyrical.
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Broken sleep, with hope of a quick dawn.
Don't know how you will make it;
But don't give up hope tonight.
Those lines are beautiful, and could even stand alone. These are lyrics, I understand, so I won't be picky about physical structure. None of that will matter once it's set to music, yeah? All in all, very pretty and a bit sad, which really just makes it more pretty. Have you written the music, have you recorded it, will you if no and will there be a way for us to hear it? -
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Thankyou for taking the time to comment.
I have given this to a friend who is trying to write something too it. So maybe it will be heard see how we go
I never mind whether lyrical or not ... anything I put up is most welcomed to be pulled apart about it's written form and structure
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