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Do you care?

"I don't want you"
  "You don’t want me?"
"No"
  "You can't do this"
"I don't have a choice"

She watches the rainfall down,
Listening to fall on the pane.
Her world starts to spin,
She wonders what she did.
As she looks at the clouds,
The sun blocked.

She thinks of his face,
Expressions and how easily they were portrayed.
The way his arms easily wrapped.
The way he comforted,
The warmth of his hugs and kisses.

Lost and knows she can't be found.
Swimming till she drowns.
She falls down,
Drowning of memories,
Knowing she can't let go.

His ocean eyes,
The current bringing her forth.
But behind the warmth,
People have said is ice.
Knowing why his body was always cold,
But was it really because of his soul?

As her world drowns,
Far deep in the ocean.
The ache in her body,
Making her weaker.

The conversation repeats in her head,
Tears slowly falling.
Wondering if she ever melted the ice,
Was she ever important?
A question that'll never be answered,
She winces as the pain starts to grow.
Her chest filling almost full,
As her mind becomes weaker.
The questions expanding in her mind,
Almost exploding her head.

"You don't want me?"
"No"

Bella Knoll
10:08pm 2/20/08

Author notes

~The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves, until one day there are none
-Memoirs of a Geisha
Prompt 7

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • Danna Hobart
    October 6
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering.

  • aanika silver member
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    The conversation repeats in her head,
    Tears slowly falling.
    Wondering if she ever melted the ice,
    Was she ever important?

    nicely written.

  • Celtic Legend
    September 12
    Edit | Reply
    wow wow wow. definately descriptive

  • new moon
    September 11

    Edit | Reply
    i regretfully inform you that you have been disqualified because the length limit was 40 lines. this was however an amazing poem. well done. keep writing.

  • house-aholic
    July 29

    Edit | Reply
    i liked the idea of the poem and the imagery you used, but it was hard to follow at some points. you seemed to be missing words and some of the sentences didn't make sense.

    thanks for entering.
    and good luck.
    ♥taylor.

  • Kiss the girl--x
    July 29

    Edit | Reply
    I like how this began and ended with the speech, but then I also think the piece is strong enough to not need it.

    This was full to the brim with powerful imagery.

    I hope everything is getting better now.
    ♥


  • BorntothePurple
    July 25
    Edit | Reply
    The drowing imagry is very powerful here. I liked "his ocean eyes" that is a great image.

    The one and only thing I'd change is "Expressions and how easily they were expressed" I don't think that repetition works there.

    A real and powerful write, thanks for entering.

  • Shipwreck
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    There is so much emotion embedded into this piece, its hard not to get an attachment to the girl who you feel so sorry for. The quote in your authort notes is also very powering, i love that book The imagery is perfect i cant ask for any more. All the best in the contest

  • Mommas Fallen Angel
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is so sad! I can really relate to this with my ex. Kind of remindes me of when whe broke it off with me. The poem was great and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
    Megan

  • Kathryn Bowden
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    I'm sorry, I cannot consider this piece for a trophy as you neglected to put the option you chose in your author's notes.
    Kathryn

  • danceintherain01
    May 20
    Edit | Reply
    Let me start by saying that I like this poem, quite a bit actually. However, that being said, I feel it would do better to remove the first stanza. The speech seems pointless and takes away from the piece as a whole.

    Overall though, fantastic write. Best of luck in my contest.

  • xCandieKissesx
    May 14

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Stellar!!!! I love the flow and imagery. The last stanza really caught my eye for some strange reason! Great job!! Thanks for entering and good luck!!

    + Jackie
  • xofightinirishx3
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    i love this poem!!!! i was in the same situation and really understood the emotion! good luck and thanks for entering

  • Cat10
    April 13
    Edit | Reply
    a really great poem! I loved the whole thing!! good luck in all of your contests!
  • swimfallen09
    April 12
    Edit | Reply
    I thoroughly enjoyed the first stanza. It gave a great beginning. Thank you for sharing.
  • liquidmindforever
    April 11
    Edit | Reply
    Dear Poet,
    Please refer to the rules where you will find that there is a wordbank required. If you care to use it and to place the words used in the AN's then let me know and I'll read your entry.
    Thank you for your time.
    Blessings of love, light, peace and joy
    liquid

  • blueangel569420
    April 6
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this reminded me of a conversation that i had to have myself. Very amazing.

  • Black Swan Rose
    April 5
    Edit | Reply
    Well this one is a tear jerker. I like it

  • Shassidy
    April 4

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really expressive poem. I really loved how you used the bit of conversation to open the poem as well as to close it - I think that was really effective and really emphasized the point. Lines 6 and 7 don't really flow as well as the rest of it does, but the ideas work really well with the poem. I also love how the title of this is a question because it shows that this is a complicated and layered situation (as love situations usually are) and that there is more to it that still needs to be thought over. Great job and good luck in the contest!

  • Wilted Rose Bush
    April 4

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is a great write
    It clearly shows what i asked for
    some great emotion and power in this
    Plus, i loved the descriptions and I could really relate to this

    well done, good luck and thanks for entering


  • CarnalNineTailedFox silver member
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    uh yeah i can totally relate to this entire poem! gawd! i'm so going through this! great poem! thank you for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox

  • BrokenDawn
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    WOw the imegry here is so...wow and th eemotion just flows off of it! Bravo!
    Goodluck!!
    ~dawn♥
  • When Doves Cry
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is full of great imagery. It really has feeling to it, but...
    Did you read the rules of this contest? I wanted TEARS FOR FEARS. I'm sorry, but I have to remove it.

  • RawrrKat silver member
    February 26
    Edit | Reply
    Quote for comment, message when done [[include title please]]

  • Tequilla On Ice
    February 22
    Edit | Reply
    whoa. This hits the nail on the head of how i was feeling the other night. This is an amazingly powerful write. There were some areas where I thought small words were a little confused but it didn't effect the way this read enough to matter. This is an amazing write. Thank you so much for your entry.

  • altatok
    February 21

    Edit | Reply

    Wow...

    This is powerful writing, man. I love your poetry and you just keep on getting better and better.
    This is so emotional, and so beautifuly written.
    Great work. I love it.


  • Cromedome
    February 20

    Edit | Reply

    hmm

    hey my friend , this is very good seems to be from actual experience im here for you. Great poem though everyone i read i like more and more.

1 - 27 of 27