i'm going to wear a hole in the floor
on the phone
pacing back and forth
it isn't right
it isn't fair
why would this happen to someone
that blond hair
bright blue eyes
a pot head from birth
in love with his girlfriend
but he took me
abused me
i can't tell my parents
they would flip
i'm not the daughter
that they'd want
it's all my fault
trust and lies
blend so well
who would have known
no one can tell
no kid
thank God
but what if it's worse
not a good idea
to trust again
what if it's aids
an HIV
if i fall in love
what would he say
what would i do?
would i ever get married?
I wouldn't want to spread it.
who would marry
someone with aids?
There would be a chance
that they could catch it too.
If we had kids
what would happen?
would they be ok?
Or would they be sick
wither up and die?
i want to die
i've been blocking this
for way too long
i'm sick of all this
this fucked up life.
i don't want to deal with it
i wish it never happened
i hope he chokes
on my salty tears
7 digits
rape help
too scared to call
too scared to move
now i'm just building back up the wall
i worked so hard to remove.
Author notes
My best friend raped me two months ago. I almost killed myself. I'm going to get checked out tomorrow and they want me to tell my mom. I'm scared shit-less.
A contest entry
- Can I Be Your Shooting Star Disaster--x by Dead Star--x.
475 points, ended March 5, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Wow... it was very courageous of you to share your story with all of us... thank you... it takes a lot of strength... Healing takes time & its different for everyone... Good Luck with whatever you decide to do... you have no judgement from me.
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ohh -and i dont think they can tell your parents. depending on your age or where you go
but i dont think they can
*head up* -
wow! i want to reach out and hug you-because you remind me of me-same feelings same questions same experience--many hugs♥
Noe I'm just building back up the wall
i worked so hard to remove
Ive made mine with triple layers and concrete, steel, bullet proof glass, plexy glass, ect. Its never coming down again
Id like to get to know you more♥
Dead Star--x -
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It is easier to build back up the wall. But i find that by letting yourself hurt, you grow more. I hope you're ok. I'm still letting myself hide from it. Still in denial. Though i am slowly and surely trying to let myself accept it. Though i do know that if i do let myself accept it then I'm going to have a major break down. Thank you for the hug *hugs back* i appreciate it. I think it'd be fun to get to know you too. I did tell my mom last night. She only freaked out cause i didn't tell her first, then went and told the family (blabber mouths). I almost committed suicide about a month after. And i know if i let myself accept it again then i'm going to get suicidal again. Anyway, hope i didn't ruin your day. It's a beautiful rainy day here. Have a good day
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