My knees are aching
eyes wide open
kneeling down by these feet
standing in-front of me is the priest
while the cross rocks back and forth
soring my eyes
it starts to fade in and out
sweat drips from my brow
hitting the alter
pounding the ground under me
the church is empty
my time for prayer
"father forgive me for I have sinned"
My head looking down
my habits are wreaking with filth
needing to be cleaned of sin
he takes the breaded coil
placing it between my lips
"drink this"
he pulls my head up by my chin
I slowly drink away the so called blood
"now child confess your sins"
I clasp the rosary tightly
beads imprinting in my hand
his eyes focused on me
expecting me to break
statues standing around us
candles burning bright
my soul is as dark as the church
taking a deep breath
not stable i stare up at him
compassion stricken appears on his face
his thumb drenched in holy water
presses against my forehead
he speaks
"hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee"
the words stuck
murmuring barely out
"father"
it creeps out from my cracked lips
like a spell has been casted out
"speak child"
trembling arms maneuver forward
shaky hands approach my uniform sleeve
revealing bare arm
showing tread marks of self infliction
too many to count
he moves back as if a demon possessed
taking his hand
forming a cross in-front of his face
"speak priest"
his face turns pale
"does your God love me now"
standing no longer kneeling
the scars were my reservation for hell
I roll down my sleeve
the blade became my false God
the priest became aware of my condition
staring out with judging eyes
hypocrisy fills the air with praise
I know daily they all look down on me
and pray for the cutters repent
Author notes
'completely mad'
My family is very religous..Catholic, when i turned to them about my problem (cutting) they turned to our priest..needless to say...it changed the church and my family's way of looking at me....I have never been judged so harshly before in my life, and by these people who say they are children of God...
A contest entry
- dark poems, cutting poems by nyc-chica420.
525 points, ended March 17, 2008, 51 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The temptations of life by annesall235.
425 points, ended December 10, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ To Self Harmers ♥ by DinkyDiver.
1800 points, ended May 28, 38 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I'm a Christian, but not Catholic... this makes me glad for the Church I attend, they're all very supportive. Your Church family is suppose to help you, not make things harder on you... but I like the way this poem is written, I could picture it all the way through.
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first impression; like the layout
Title (how well the title relates to the poem): 10/10
Emotion (Shows emotion and gives a feeling to the poem): 8/10
Flow/Structure (It's easy to read and looks good): 8/10
Imagery (Paints a vivid picture in ones mind): 10/10
Reaction (How did the poem make me feel?) 8/10
Overall (overall opinion of the poem): 9/10
totaling: 53/60
fantastic poem, welcome to the finals. im so sorry about the church not being everything you hoped, but it looks like you have found somewhere to talk where you will not be judged, here! x -
first impression; different and interesting
Title (how well the title relates to the poem): 10/10
Emotion (Shows emotion and gives a feeling to the poem): 8/10
Flow/Structure (It's easy to read and looks good): 8/10
Imagery (Paints a vivid picture in ones mind): 6/10
Reaction (How did the poem make me feel?) 10/10
Overall (overall opinion of the poem): 10/10
Totaling: 52/60
wow-- now this blew me away.. welldone on the gold before hand you have done an awesome job and I am sorry for what your family and church put you through... children of god.....judgeing another human??? This is why I am not faithful to god but to the unniverse as a whole.......
welldone and welcome to the finalists; keep a look out for my co-judge to comment xx
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i feel for you
i wanted to be catholic at one point, but the way they judged me for something else i did made me change to protestant. i really feel bad for you. to cry out for help to someone that you think that will help you and get shot down by that very person.
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This is incredible. So much hurt and meaning. I absolutly love it. What a horrible thing to have happen, to reach for help and get nothing but judgement. I feel for you. This is so well written. Im so glad to have read it. Definatly bookmarking this one. Good luck in the contest.
Dani.
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this is so real it is as if I am the one actualy experiencing it, I know first hand how hard dealing with cutting is, and when people figure it out (or are told) they tend to do the opposite of what would help the most, they space themselves from you and treat you like a freak, this poem is more realistic then anything i have ever read before amazing and welcome to the finalist list
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what a piece
thanks for sharing such deep thoughts
it really shows passion
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Wow, this piece is very powerful.
Great job. -
i am not a big fan of the catholic church and the story you tell is a very strong reason why, but on to the poem great write, keep you there till the end. IF YOU EVER NEED ANYONE TO TALK TO ABOUT RELIGION/GOD/CUTTING talk to me i know this better then anyone
finalist
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awesome...thanks for lending an ear too....I apreciate it
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i love this poem it just further justifies my hatred of religion especially ones involving jesus and the bible. religion is a club. only normal people are accepted. i hope you stoped cutting yourself because cutting ruined my life you dont want it to happen to you trust me
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i love this poem
its showing how hycrritical churchs are
hope you feel better and/or arnt doing this anymore
i know its hard to stop -
Very dark indeed... I used to not understand why people did such things but considering I've gone through depression now and such self hate that it could nearly kill me, I can understand a little more now. Dark and hurtful, but that's the way tragedy goes.
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it is very tragic...it has became a habit..very hard to control..Thank you for reading..
good luck in judging..
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really impressive...it just proves that just because your call you self a religion doesn't mean anything... you have to show the forgiveness you where shown when christ died on the cross...
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"BRAVO"
I like the way you have managed to tell it how it is. I could actually picture the priest judging you, not from a churches point of view, but from his own. I was always told that we are all equal in the eyes of God! Regardless of color or race. But I have down the years realized that this is not the case. I think too many people will pass judgment without actually looking beyond the reasons... Narrow minded and set in there ways is all I can say about this.
All the best in the contest.
~T.S~
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omg omg omg. i love this poem. i feel the exact same way. 2 years ago i started cutting and my mom has all of a sudden gotten very religious and goes around telling every1 at the church about my past and they all look at me like im nuts. ive started cutting again n the priest always asks to see my arms.. no one knows im cutting again but just the way they look at me when they know i used to is enough for me.
*emaleyna*
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it is a very sad condition, and it is one that haunts me...I know how you feel it is an urge that becomes habit forming..I have seen a couple of psychiatrist about it, and it never helped, thats when it became a soulution for god...but i am really glad you liked it and i am really glad you share the same experience with me
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omg thts so harsh.. the poem was really insightful and deep.. and its a shame u have been judged so harshly.. but remmber no matter wat u do there is only one person tht u answer to and tht is God..not ur parents and nt ur priest.. wat u are doin isnt a sin.. its a release tht u get used to bcz nthn else takes away the pain. nt many people understnd tht.. u seek help and u will find it. tc xxx
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That was very good. I have a cutting problem to but I have never gone to anyone about it, because i'm afraid of being judged so I stay quiet, But very impacting poem
Good Luck
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