rotund moon
so clear through putrid tree
~autumn nightfall~
TakeII
rotund moon
clear through putrid tree
~autumn nightfall~
A contest entry
- favourite haijins (INVITATED ONLY!!!) by Mari Goes.
900 points, ended February 29, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Putrid?????
bare, exposed, stripped and there maybe a hundred others but putrid hits the mind with only one meaning ok I am pasting from encarta here
putrid: (adj) rotten
rotten, rotting, decayed, decaying, decomposed, decomposing, rancid, bad, moldy, tainted, putrescent, spoiled, fetid, rank, off
Microsoft® Encarta® 2007. © 1993-2006 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
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Array... I never take friends advise as a criticism...
you are right, I think I was trying to be a bit clever...
mina
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Hi myron, thank you for the description of "Vivid", that's very useful piece of info... in this instance Putrid refers to an old/branchless tree.... if it wasn't for autumn, the image of moon wouldn't be clear, because of the leaves etc
I know explaining a haiku is defeating the object of writing a haiku... haiku should be clear in the readers mind and vivid as you said... however thank you once again...
mina -
putrid
rotund moon
clear through putrid tree
~autumn nightfall~
i too am confused by the modifier 'putrid' as i don't get a clear image from it. doesn't a haiku work better when it has vivid images?
your haiku has 3 modifiers in it - rotund, putrid and autumn, which may be two too many as nouns sometimes lose their power when they're encumbered in this way in haiku.
but then again, maybe i'm reading this haiku in the wrong way.
i hope you don't mind my comments. am i being too severe? perhaps i am...
best wishes on your haiku path,
myron.
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Thank you Myron... I got your point... you're the expert in Haikus... I'll remember your advise next time round... I'm a bit confused, some say haiku shouldhave a very clear image not vivid... however "rotund" and "putrid" are adjectives not nouns.. unless I misunderstood you... thank you for your honest comments...
mina
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advice
Hi mini - thanks for your response.
very clear does mean vivid. here are some definitions of VIVID:
* Presented in clear and striking manner
* Perceived or felt with the freshness of immediate experience
* Active in forming lifelike images
The adjective describe the nouns. That's what i meant.
What do you mean by a 'putrid tree'? that confuses me.
best of wishes,
myron.
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very beautiful ...
I love the rotund association with moon ...
also the putrid trees ... maybe without the word "so", the haiku would be even more zen-like ... just an idea ...
marion
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Oh, the photo is beautiful with that black background!
Glad you wanted to use it, thanks!
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lovely haiku
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Thank you Mari for the photo link...
mina
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Putrid isn't a word we see very often, however it fits so well to the Autumn season.
I like the imagery of the moon light through bare branches (that is how I saw the putrid trees)
I think I would have left the word 'so' on L2 out.
Nicely done haiku mina! I have a photo taken by myself that would make a very good graphic to this poem
Thanks my dear friend
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i love the use of rotund ... and the imagery is great ... not sure what you mean by a putrid tree ? [i look forward to finding out] >>> Gina
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haiku is ab art unto itself - classic images thanks for sharing regards zaj
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Beautiful images you have brought to my head... with such few words... Exactly what haikus are suppose to do....
~~~ Wonderful job
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Wonderful imagery of the Moon through a bare-branched tree.
Good luck in the contest.
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