Sleep betrays my conscience,
As demons take advantage
Loniliness fuels my rage,
As my hollow heart sings a tune of despair
Some say love is beautiful
I BEG to differ
A monster cloaked in an angels mask,
Strumming my pain with his gentle fingers
Dust clogged memories,
Leave me in a dissatisfied state
While regret pulls at my brain's barriers
Acts of greed from him,
Left me with slivers of my self image
Broken, Shattered
My soul seeks refuge in disaster
A monster unhappy with his own life,
Decided to take mine
Sleep betrays my conscience,
As demons take FULL advantage
Destruction disguised in beauty couldn't resist the temptation
To corrupt the innocense of a fresh naive girl longing for acceptance
Sin clogs the mass of my thoughts as I remember those things done
You were unhappy with your own life,
And just had to take mine
Maybe you could do us both a favor,
And return the heart you keep under your bed
Because without it,
I'm dead.
A contest entry
- Mind is a hurricane. by DestiniesTwined.
450 points, ended February 28, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Originality With Meaning by The Slant.
525 points, ended February 29, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Metaphoric Madness....Round 2 by The Squeeze.
340 points, ended March 10, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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pretty good. i like the word choice. i don't like the title. cool changes is lengths of stanzas. it fits well with the poem. i don't really like the caps on BEG or FULL. they don't add anything. i like the parallelism of clogs. i don't like "you were unhappy with your own life, and just had to take mine." most of it is more eloquent than that so it doesn't fit. but it doesn't seem like something that should stand out either. overall, pretty good
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This is a good poem. Thanks for entering my contest.
Good luck. -
So strong here again, shows your pain a lot, with truth and fears too, like fighting that someone who sounds like he's going to destroy you, used you for his own pleasure...
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