Pray, sir, for lover's beauty in the start,
Living, not by chance, but by the heart,
At moonlight, in her spell doth they ignite,
Perfection that shall not withstand the night.
I am the fool, for thinking love resigned,
To bear the cracks upon a broken mind,
And now is all your natural good demeaned,
For in this luscious body lies a fiend.
Wretched, broken, twisted on the floor,
Dead eyes that stare into those I adore,
And I am rendered pale within the glare,
From tears that mourn, I am no longer there.
Ridden with disease and cold decay,
Misery hath led my mind astray,
Where darkness finds my corners incomplete,
And the bitter taste of blood is rendered sweet
Between the darkness lover's caress doth find
The link between my body and my mind,
Rouse my senses, swallow, take a taste
Awake me lest this shell be left to waste.
And do these clammy fingers scar the frame,
Scraping at the paintwork, clawing shame,
At lovers anguish, 'fraid to leave my bed,
Now doth thou kiss my lips with longing dread.
The harbinger of rotten conscious thought,
Hence, tremble, and be left distraught,
Doth all my pain and passion come to one,
And hast all my worldly work now come undone.
A contest entry
- Rhyming Poetry Contest by Heavens Child.
800 points, ended April 29, 45 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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...can't say anything...wow magnificent piece! congrats!
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Wonderful poem showing great talent from the author. The imagery really brings your words to life. Congrats on winning the trophy, was well deserved.
My favourite part:
"The harbinger of rotten conscious thought,
Hence, tremble, and be left distraught,
Doth all my pain and passion come to one,
And hast all my worldly work now come undone."
A perfect way to end x -
This poem left me... astounded. Great job. My favorite line would have to be: Living, not by chance, but by the heart. It sums up life lived through love, the truest life in my opinion. Keep up the good work
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An excellent piece. Powerful imagery and wording. Best wishes and thank you for your entry.
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Excellent
Wretched, broken, twisted on the floor,
Dead eyes that stare into those I adore,
And I am rendered pale within the glare,
From tears that mourn, I am no longer there.
While still perfound
your style has become very managed, almost conforming
Can this be... lol
Soft rhyiming scheam
Like it all
Rick
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Great, vivid poem. I think the qutrain stanzas and rhyming couplets suit the subject and the occasional archaism you use contribute to this.
The imagery in the poem is brilliant;
I really like the lines;
"And do these clammy fingers scar the frame
Scraping at the paintwork, clawing shame"
I could feel the movement and agitation of the fingers as I read it.
A really good poem, with powerful sentiments expressed.
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structured
Hello there.
I like seeing and reading structured poems and I love images. You have done a good job with both. You have been consistent in your use of language too - i'm not quite sure what style it is - gothic/emo? (those two always confuse me).
This is chock-full of great lines and this one is my favourites because of its compressed and philosophical nature:
Living, not by chance, but by the heart,
It's harder to find a favourite verse because there are so many, but this one hits home so well, and moves me:
Ridden with disease and cold decay,
Misery hath led my mind astray,
Where darkness finds my corners incomplete,
And the bitter taste of blood is rendered sweet
excellent work.
have a gr8 day,
BJ.
. Rewarded 8
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Beautiful write, loved the imagery in this!
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Dead eyes that stare into those I adore
AH! this is awesome...the rhyming does the poem well... everything fits...great write girll. the picture is kickass too. =] thanks for the comment on my song too btw
legendd
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this is brilliant!
i hope you keep writing because you're an amazing poet.
my favorite part was:
"I am the fool, for thinking love resigned,
To bear the cracks upon a broken mind,
And now is all your natural good demeaned,
For in this luscious body lies a fiend.
Wretched, broken, twisted on the floor,
Dead eyes that stare into those I adore,
And I am rendered pale within the glare,
From tears that mourn, I am no longer there."
. Rewarded 8
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incredible piece you've penned here
i really liked this part
"And do these clammy fingers scar the frame,
Scraping at the paintwork, clawing shame,
At lovers anguish, 'fraid to leave my bed,
Now doth thou kiss my lips with longing dread.
The harbinger of rotten conscious thought,
Hence, tremble, and be left distraught,
Doth all my pain and passion come to one,
And hast all my worldly work now come undone."
mike, aka jonathan wikkins -
Oh wow! Love the picture, love the poem! You've got a great talent, keep it up! I love how much it makes you feel and think...It's very wonderful
*thumbs up*
xx
V/E
. Rewarded 4
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thankyou very much I'm glad you enjoyed it
Hannah x
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