Chronicles of Narnia
was a very fanciful fairy tale
They saved the land of Asland
They never gived up or failed
The ward rope was secret door
That little Lucy found
They saved the land of Asland
And officially had been crowned
The witch is very evil
she thought she was the queen
She tricked Edmund into to liking her
she was very cruel and mean.
The fairy tale was quiet fascinating
It was very interesting to watch
It was very touching from scene to scene
As the witch made an awful shceme
Edmund was now locked up in her cage
He was very greedy as little as his age
But they still saved Asland
and now became one
The kingdom was now saved
and the victory had been won.
Author notes
kingdom
A contest entry
- A Fanciful Fairytale... by Demington.
750 points, ended March 17, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
DO YOU L;OVE MY POEM
Comments
-
By the way, if you want to revise this, just do so and then let me know. I'll take another look if you want me to.
-
You need to take a second look at your work when you've finished, just to make sure you don't miss lines like this one...
"As the which made a sceme"
should be
As the witch made a scheme
The rhyme scheme is pedestrian, almost nursery-rhyme in the way that it does not challenge or envigorate the reader. This poem is plagued with cliche language and emotion.
Perhaps a deeper view into the topic would have revealed a more inspiring theme than simply summarizing the erroneously labeled "Chronicles of Narnia." The Chronicles are all of the books. You only wrote about "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe."
I do not mean to be offensive, but the diminuative emotional pull of this particular work leads me to wonder as to the amount of effort expelled.
Advice, work on diversifying your imagery and incorporating concrete details when and if necessary. Also, try to be a bit more specific on what you're writing a poem based on a story as large as Clive Staples Lewis's The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. If you focus on a specifc character, place, event or emotion then you will not be so tempted to include summarization.
Blessings,
C
Adding your comment:
