Within the darkness there is a light
Where our shadows bare no fright
There lives a lady made of dust
Who may woo you if she must
And her lover engulfed in flame
Ashamed of nothing but his fame
Who sleeps while she's around
Yet as he stirs she can't be found
So listen carefully while I speak
If the coming of ages makes you weak
Even though your lover's away
Or she's possibly just dead.
Her beautiful body may decay
Forget the words you'd never said.
A contest entry
- Winkling's On Wednesdays #56 by Lyndon.
1760 points, ended March 25, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Confliction by BlankSillhouette.
600 points, ended March 5, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
;)
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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A lovely poem with some very nice imagery. Thanks for entering our contest
Gaylene
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Rhyme is the secret
to your whimsicality.
The title is very interesting in the light of your imagery.
Thank you for entering this poem.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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Perfect poem. I loved it. The idea and concept of it were amazing in itself. Thank you for entering this portrayal of a masterpiece into my contest. The ending was very moving.
"Forget the words you'd never said..."
Absolutely amazing
good luck and best wishes.
XblanksillhouetteX -
I like the use of bare instead of bear. To me it indicates that the shadows might actually have been frightened at some point, and just aren't feeling it or isn't showing it at that point, in that "light."
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A very intriguing write. Well written and an enjoyable read. I hope it does well in the contest. A good write.
Kelli -
the change in rhyme at the end makes it seem wierd and forced...i think this could be better if it had more depth and emotion.
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This poem lacks depth? Damn. Emotion? Not an emotional poem sweetheart. Change in rhyme/forced/weird? [POETIC][SHIFT]
Thanks for the feedback.
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