while angels sigh
between lines
man breathes
immortality
beyond mortal
deed
the Unknown
unfolds
beautiful secrets
complete
A contest entry
- naked by le soir.
675 points, ended March 13, 2008, 23 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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More than sensual, erotic. What a gift you have for combining words that not only capture but also express the subtle emotions of both emotional and physical love.
Now I'm going to have to read the gold winner if this only took silver (LOL).
Wonderful write. I look forward to more from you.
Ken -
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Thank you for enjoying my work ...
I appreciate the time you took to comment.
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Too simple and jumpy. This was almost like an outline. Nothing inside it to substantiate it.
Not to say it was empty. But a stanza which substantiated things could have been included.
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I guess you are right.
Sometimes I can be rather blunt.
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Such an amazing piece. Quite a few thoughts ran through my head as I read this. It is no wonder my dear friend Cannonsfire suggested I read your work. J
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Thank you so much for reading ...
and for finding meaning in my words. I am glad you came ...
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Elegant
I love stripped down poetry. This is elegantly economical. If you were to revise this for awkwardness, I would simply take the more ordinary words (beautiful, secrets, complete, sigh, breathes,etc) and try to replace them with more powerful words, or words with a richer history, symbolism, or multiple-meaning. Or not. If you like simple folk/rock, you'll enjoy my music at www.nakedadam.net
I would love suggestions! Aloha, friend!
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I agree with what you say ...
but my style is to take simple words and link them in such a manner that they touch on complexities in life and beyond.
I tried to listen to your music, but I guess my connection cannot open the links. I shall try again. I would love to listen to your music, for I love music.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
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Wowza!
Wowza! this is a very deeply penned insightful poem that I accidentally clicked on but I really found this to be quite amazing and powerffully spoken words. I really love how you broke this poem up and created al;ot of powerful methaphors. any ways I am not suprised at all that you won the Silver trophy congratulations about that by th way but just incredible and ingenius. any ways excellent poem all round and love the motion depth and flow through out. keep up the very good work. you get my applauses
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Thank you for an enthusiastic comment ...
it really inspired me. Thank you for reading my work.
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Beyond the understandings of psychometry, beyond the ugliness ahead is this golden age. Nothing that makes life what it is now will be there and then. Not what is on the the line, nor what is between it. Thank you for creating and sharing, precious soul. Ack,
Chris
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We can but wait ...
to become part of a word Beyond, but the beauty is here already. Thank you Chris for reading and commenting
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Wow
I really like this poem!
it flows very nicely and says a lot in few words!
I like your interprition of the picture
great write. -
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Thank you for being so kind ...
to leave such a warm response.
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Beautiful
simple yet beautiful and to the point. little but worthwhile information used to deliver the message
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Thank you for taking time ...
to read and comment on my work ... I truly appreciate it.
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The imagery you have fitted into a piece of so few words is astounding. I love this poem, for it shows me insight into a differant world than the one we all live in.
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Thank you so much ...
for the trophy on a work not read, or commented on, but for one. This was such a lovely, challenging contest, and I see this poem as one of my best.
At least you have read it too ... and the recognition is a bonus.
Blessed be, precious One.
Love
Myra
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I love the images that pass my mind as i read this. you say all this with such simple words but such depth. amazing as usual. i adore your talent!
many blessings and *stomps
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Thank you, dearest Friend ...
for reading and commenting on my work. You are so loyal and truly understand my Muse.
Love
Myra
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